YT14 | This Dyslexic Transgender Bravely Shatters Stereotypes – A Candid Interview

What is it like to be a transgender person in a traditional society like Singapore? Meet The Abundant Riley. From challenging societal norms in traditional Singapore to embarking on a personal journey of self-discovery, Riley shares her inspiring story of courage, self-acceptance, and embracing an abundant life. 

Riley is an enthusiastic Digital nomad, Aviator and Facilitator who loves to help others find ways to process their emotions, articulate their message, and navigate through life’s big changes. Get ready for an amazing conversation on travel, entrepreneurship, self-acceptance and the power of genuine connections.

Discussion Topics: This Dyslexic Transgender Bravely Shatters Stereotypes

• From Lo Bang King to The Abundant Riley
• Coming in terms with her identity
• What’s common between transitioning and dyslexia?
• The challenges of social transitioning
• Your biggest criticism comes from your own family
• Starting a company at 11 years old
• Just go and meet new people
• Closing

Transcript: This Dyslexic Transgender Bravely Shatters Stereotypes

Yana Fry: Hello and welcome to another episode of YanaTV Today. We have a really unusual and very colourful guest, The Abundant Riley. She is the aviator, the facilitator, the nomad, and the business owner. She travels around Asia and inspires other people to live life on their own terms. They are abundant I love the name. Thank you for being on the show.

Riley Goh: I’m very honoured to be here.

Yana Fry: Tell me about the name. How did it come up with The Abundant Riley?

From Lo Bang King to The Abundant Riley

Riley Goh: Wow so in the past I was known as the Lo Bang King or Lo Bang Queen. So the word abundant actually came from a very interesting story from the author Don McGill. He talks about this story called The Magical Kitchen. The Magical Kitchen is basically, one day there’s this very poor woman on the side of the street and she’s in the cold. She has been hungry for so long and this guy comes up and says, “Hey , would you like to eat some pizza in exchange for that you need to do anything I say?”

So at that very desperate moment, she has to agree to that. So that’s part one of that story. And then part two of the story is now this woman is in a very beautiful mansion and she has this thing called a magical kitchen that she can wish for anything she wants in life in terms of food. Particularly. So this same pizza guy came up to the door and he’s knock. He’s like Hey, do you want some pizza? In exchange, you got to do anything I say but he doesn’t know about this magical kitchen. So of course she likes laughing and smiling. He’s like But why not come in and have anything you want from the magical kitchen so the analogy of that whole story is that this is a description of unconditional love a lot of times we just want something from someone and because we think we have a lack of or scarcity mindset we aren’t able to receive.

And that’s something I’ve struggled for a very long time to receive from people until I understand when I read this story from the book. I’m like Oh wow when we actually have an abundance of something. For me, it’s knowledge, right? And I don’t need anything in return for me. It’s when I share on my Instagram or my socials it’s really about all this knowledge, all these opportunities and I don’t need anything written and I feel so happy. Just like in the story, this person gives whatever food you want. She’s very happy. So that’s how The Abundant Riley came about this name.

Yana Fry: I love that It’s a great story but I’m wondering how Riley came about the way you are today. So I’m curious about the journey. So when did it happen? How did it happen?

Riley Goh: Yeah so for the name Riley. So Riley is the chosen name I gave myself. And if one were to look up the name Riley, It had something to do with courage. And it represents my whole journey as a trans person by definition. It’s really I have to go through so many different challenges and boundaries challenging the norms of society and stuff like that. It’s really wow it takes a lot of courage.

Yana Fry: And you also you’re a trans in Singapore out of all countries.

Riley Goh: god yeah

Yana Fry: How did you do that? How do you keep doing that? This is a very traditional place.

Riley Goh: So just for those audiences who don’t know what transgender means. So by definition transgender is basically the sex you were assigned at birth like male or female based on the genitals that you have versus how you feel about yourself like mentally psychologically doesn’t align. That’s what transgender means. So sometimes when we talk about cisgender transgender the gender is just really more of an identity. What’s inside how you feel and stuff like that? And that’s basically the overview of it.

Yana Fry: So when did you feel for the first time that it’s not aligned.

Coming in terms with her identity

Riley Goh: So the first feeling when I felt a bit off I would say was perhaps sometime in kindergarten. For me it’s very early. So it’s really sometimes it’s wow girls can wear dresses and back then as a male it’s I can’t. But I think as I progress throughout primary school secondary school and beyond it’s you start to question I start to question hey when I look at let’s say the opposite sex. I won’t have the thought of very sexual thoughts but it’s really more about gender. There’s this term I just found out it’s called gender envy. I wish to wear this dress or these clothes but I can’t because society says that males cannot wear skirts for example or heels right? Fun fact heels were designed for men during the times when they were butchering meat.

Yana Fry: You did your research.

Riley Goh: I did. So you know how the floor is very messy and very wet in the market. So heels were actually designed for men based on my research.

Yana Fry: So you realise that they would want to be something different than you are actually right at that moment. But when did you actually decide that okay I want to be brave enough I want to start addressing differently or I want to behave how I feel is aligned with who I truly am? When was that point?

Riley Goh: I think for me that discovery was I think at those before six years old it was I felt something a bit off but there was not a word to describe it and there’s not a lot of support and stuff like that over time. There’s this thing I think back then called Yahoo Answers, huh so it was there on Yahoo Answers and then not much throughout that time until perhaps say Reddit. I think that’s where all the forums are more active in this conversation and stuff like that. So I think one of the things or a common misconception is a lot of times people say that oh it’s a choice that we make to transition.

And that’s a very charged myth because sometimes it’s yes. It’s a choice for us to take the steps to be better. For example, if one is diagnosed by a doctor that you are sick one can choose to not take the medicine If one doesn’t believe in medicine one can actually take the steps to become better be more conscious like one example I have or I would say I’ll use is for me I’m also diagnosed with dyslexia. Dyslexia basically is another definition right If someone who has somehow faced some kind of learning difficulties it can it’s again it’s still a spectrum.

Yana Fry: But particularly I think with these letters.

What’s common between transitioning and dyslexia?

Riley Goh: Some is with letters, some writing, some is this, but a lot of successful people we know today like Sir Richard Branson, Lee Kuan Yew, they all have dyslexic as well and one thing I found out very similar in terms of my transition and dyslexic is that for dyslexic you are now aware of your condition you struggle in school you can’t you do spelling you’re like 10 words right.

You learn the first five and you test the first five. It’s great and then you learn the next five you test it and great and you forget the first five, And then if we are not aware of this condition. Your parents would be like you’re stupid just like why are you not working hard enough. You’re not in our practice but we didn’t know about this condition.

So only through the education around Singapore and stuff because of the initiative by Lee Kuan Yew and the founding fathers, it’s really oh okay let’s go test it out. And hey lo and behold I have dyslexic right I was diagnosed with dyslexic. So now you have two choices, right?

One you can just accept this fact and just live life the way that as if nothing happened. Just okay I have this. Or we can go for specialized schools to teach me on let’s say how I can help myself through the dyslexic way of teaching right. So very similarly in transition, it’s the same thing. You are not diagnosed for me it’s this thing called gender dysphoria. So it’s I’m not very comfortable with let’s say being a male or dress a certain way of how I perceive myself and I can don’t do anything about it or I can do something about it to help myself ease myself into society I think the biggest concern or the biggest change that most people would ask is.

So what’s the difference with and without? Why not just live your life as a guy or the sex you were assigned at birth all the way I think at the end of the day it’s this thing called the mental space today we’re all talking about mental health huge conversation and until you treat don’t know how to describe this but there’s one analogy I saw It imagines you have a stone in your shoe. And you know how irritating it is just can’t be okay. And what we do is we just take off the shoe and just right Imagine you’re not able to do that for the rest of your life Until you treat. That’s how uncomfortable it is having gender dysphoria pronouns. I think that was a very good analogy I came across for me. I took the steps to go through social transitioning. That’s usually the first phase.

Social transitioning

Riley Goh: transitioning can come in many different forms in terms of how you dress your name change how you want people to address you based pronouns Those are some elements of social transitioning

Your parents. That’s the core of the conversation. That’s coming out so parents are really just an optional kind of thing. Because one can socially change those games like SimTree or some Avatar game. You can already be a female.

So that’s like social right and then after that you can. It’s optional for some to go through the medical transition as well. That includes hormones and surgery. Another misconception is people think that you must have both to be a trans person or transsexual but that isn’t true in today’s context. So it’s optional to choose and why we say optional sometimes especially in singapore I’m very blessed because we actually do have. The healthcare system supports us.

So the Singapore healthcare system actually supports people like myself in terms of voice feminization in terms of voice training. How do we change our voice medication as well yeah and things like that.

Yana Fry: And my question here is and your work is a lot about helping other people to live life on their terms. And you’re like a walking example of that.

Clearly you just do what you feel is right for you. And again I just want to remind you that Singapore is still a traditional society and so I assume that some people probably were welcoming and maybe some others were not so welcoming when you started going through the social transition.

So how do you deal with that? What is your way of dealing with criticism , disapproval or like you show up and maybe someone isn’t very friendly? How do you deal with that?

Your biggest criticism comes from your family

Riley Goh: I think the biggest criticism comes from family only.

Yana Fry: strangers are actually more welcoming.

Riley Goh: Strangers are very friendly and I don’t think this is a only me experience. I think a lot of trans people, but I do have to acknowledge. This is a very privileged Thing to experience, yeah. but I think the biggest criticism comes from my own family and I actually came out publicly first before I came out to my family.

Yeah just to get a sense of support and moral support I think what’s very important is the social space the safe space. So I think the question I think is a very helpful question for anyone watching this. Going through some kind of self doubt or self esteem Of looking at yourself there’s this analogy I like to share.

It’s called the inside house and the outside house. I used to describe it as how we look outside. It’s just like how the outside of a building might look. It might look amazing like a brand new renovated mansion or it could be some old old shed house somewhere in the rural areas in the forest perhaps.

Very hot very muddy and stuff right And then we have an inside house which is how we want to design the furniture the lightings the colour and stuff like that right a lot of times we are trained or we are domesticated by our parents or society to be like we need to dress a certain way we have to act a certain way If not you are outcast you are queer. That’s the outside house right. And I used to focus a lot on that hair. The way I sound, the way I speak, the way I act, that was such a huge factor in how I see. But I’ve realised that you can never really satisfy anyone, especially your parents.

Yana Fry: a lot of wisdom and truth.

Riley Goh: I’m speaking from that angle. So I realised that at the end of the day, at the lowest point in my life, my inside house means how I see myself, how I love myself, how I treat myself, this self love and self care. If this is not strong enough then everything else will collapse if someone’s out there gonna criticise you. If your inside house is beautiful it’s safe it’s warm you don’t really care what people say because it’s my house. And that’s the guiding principle I use.

Yana Fry: Also when I look at you, you look at least right now, I’m not sure how it was 5-10 whatever years ago, you look very much at peace with everything. You look very happy, very ready and just very generous.

It’s what you said that is very abundant. And so whatever we’re doing also with your mind to adjust your mind to this. Clearly it’s working. So I’m just curious also about the work that you do right. So I know you run a company and you look very young. And the thing I asked you this earlier I mean to me you look very young when I look at you so can you please tell me how old are you again. 

Starting a company at 11 years old

Riley Goh: So I just turned 24 this August.

Yana Fry: Okay And you have company for how many years?

Riley Goh: I started the first one at the age of 11 years old.

Yana Fry: 11 what were you doing when you

Riley Goh: That first company was called App Elite. That company was specialising in helping people create mobile apps and websites. And it went on to start teaching people how to create that using those drag and drop builders as well business.

Yana Fry: you are clearly unusually entrepreneurial also from a very young age right. Despite whatever was happening in your own mind and also with dyslexia as you mentioned today which I didn’t know about you. And so you also went on this professional journey when you very early went into business and building companies and educating other people. And now you work with people, what do you do right now?

Riley Goh: So right now I am facilitating events right? And also doing coaching for my clients as well I’m moving more towards the corporate side of things, right? So that’s professionally what I’m doing. Personally, I’m travelling around the world discovering what it means to be me. I think that’s something that can really give that opportunity as well and it’s so great. It’s really so great because it’s so affordable. It’s really very affordable to start travelling, which most people think.

Yana Fry: It’s not the truth most people say. Most people think that it’s actually very expensive. So what are you? I’m just curious about your tips for affordable travelling.

Riley Goh: Yeah that’s very true my tip. Not sponsored, I use Google travel, Google flights. So I can just check the pricing and

Yana Fry: I do the same

Riley Goh: Right, just see the pricing and stuff and I love to buy one way tickets when I buy one way tickets and I just go there. I would just stay as long as I can till the country needs to kick me out and then I’m like okay where’s I’m exploring right. I’m a person who loves mountains and nature. I’m not a beach person so I really do a lot of trips, especially solo biking. Since I ride motorcycles and cars.

Yana Fry: And fly like five years ago.

Riley Goh: Yeah so that’s something I’m exploring right now. It’s just but really this sense of adventure, this sense of structure, some sense of structure in my life. That’s what I realised I needed but the ability to actually. Ah can you actually survive out there in the wild with no one else to tell you what’s right or what’s wrong.

Yana Fry: while honouring who you are.

Riley Goh: Yeah exactly And that’s the best part because let alone travelling alone but as a woman and as a trans person even people are hey where did you go Is it safe. And then I hear the stories about Oh I can’t go. I still have a curfew. Even at the age of 25/30 I can’t travel because I have work.

I buy a so that kind of humbles me down a lot because of how much opportunity or how Much abundance I have but at the same time I want to share with people that it’s not really limited to your job I know we have commitments with responsibilities but it’s really just that moment of I buy a ticket.

But let’s say I buy a ticket in the morning and in the evening I’m there already and it’s like Oh my God I’m in another country in just less than three four hours. It’s so amazing. I think in Asia we have such an opportunity to travel around the region in just a few hours.

Yana Fry: Absolutely I personally believe travelling is the best education Because you fine tune who you are and you also really understand what the world is And so you find this inner truth.

Riley Goh: And one thing I need to tell the audience is we need more Asians to travel Because when I go abroad to countries like Vietnam Thailand Malaysia Philippines and we go to those coffee meetup sessions and stuff it’s a lot of Westerners A lot of Westerners.

The other Asian that you see the most is perhaps South Koreans But not Singaporeans not Malaysians not even Thai And I think when I go for all these different meetups. And when I come back to Singapore I’m like where are the meetups in Singapore? You don’t have to travel out of another country just to be part of this whole experience. Just go by it. Let’s say if you’re in a big country like Malaysia or Thailand, go to another state, another city and just join those.

Just go and meet new people

Yana Fry: just meet

Riley Goh: yeah and just meet people. And I think that’s the first basic step or first introduction to networking. I think networking is a very powerful skill set, a high income skill set that no one talks about.

So to me it’s really more about you going to those meetup groups or event brides or there’s one I used recently I found out it’s called Nomad List. Yeah That’s another one I and you can just organise an event People just come and then you just Just say hi right That’s it. Over a meal over coffee like that’s it. But yeah that’s the basic thing that one can actually try and explore to meet new friends.

Yana Fry: I love that If I were to ask you since you’re a Singaporean right. So if I were to ask and because you are Singaporean you can say that and you’re like a representative of Singaporeans who are right now in their early twenties. So if you will be talking maybe to your peers or your friends. So travelling I understood okay. Big part is travelling. Is there something else you would like to say that would be nice to see more of ?

Riley Goh: On one end I Aside from travelling I think aside from travelling is to make sure that your finances are in place I think that’s one thing I didn’t really do very proper which is just this mindset of I earn this money I save this money and I go and spend this money but I think for the audiences it’s really more about Hey You have some savings. Have courage.

No, that is don’t be so kiap siak meaning don’t save so much. Just set a budget. For me I think that if you’re going to live off one month each or something about a thousand dollars two thousand five Singapore dollars could live a very nice life in Thailand for example.

Very nice life and that perhaps in our equivalent could be about 50 percent of our income. Based on the average of like about 2 000 So if we save up for three months let us try one month and stuff go out there and explore And I think we need more entrepreneurs I think more female entrepreneurs especially in the topics of mental health space in the connection space I think we I see or there’s this trend I realise is we need more connection more genuine connection last time I think way before COVID it was a lot about agenda driven Hey I’m meeting you for this.

Yana Fry: very transactional

Riley Goh: Very transactional. You’re right but now I think it’s more about and people can sniff that.

Yana Fry: of course has a nose for this

Riley Goh: I think to me is the message to answer your question just.

For fun, the right tool you can use to connect with people. For example board games, personality tests, that’s something that I used in the past to make friends with people. Hey I can read your birth chart for example like something for fun right use pick this up and it’s a great icebreaker a great networking tool It’s a great dating way just to meet people like the previous guests Just have fun explore new hobbies find people with the same. And I think especially on your channel there are so many amazing people. Reach out to them.

Yana Fry: You guys reach out to people on this channel. This is great advice. They’re all amazing guests.

Riley Goh: reach out to people like the previous guests and all. They are my teachers and they are my friends now meeting people asking them questions and just really generally asking them really poke them because sometimes when you send messages it goes into the request list so we don’t see it but here’s a tip is you send them a message just tell them who you are where you see them from okay and then like their page follow them and comment on them in notification there’s four or five prompts already I think we will get it. Thank you and say Hey that’s a tip.

Yana Fry: That’s how we connected.

Riley Goh: I think that’s how we did. Move on Next one. So it’s a way to like how I get your attention. And the desire to really reach out and connect. Say hey I can be of service to you. Do you need any help? And if it’s a no great move on. Next one if it’s yes great Also enjoying that process and stuff.

Closing

Yana Fry: Thank you so much. I think that was a truly fascinating conversation today. So that was the Abundant Riley with us in the studio. And Riley and I would love to hear from you guys.

So let us know in the comments I love the idea that she gave connecting with all Yana TV guests. You can reach out to them absolutely And I think you should be doing that. And please remember to subscribe to the YouTube channel. Share this video with friends. When we share this with people around us the conversations go deeper. And a very special day was watching the studio hosting YanaTV. I will see you next time.