S5E9 – Choosing How to Shape Your Year

Join Subha and Hasita as they reflect on the transformative experiences of the past year. Hasita shares her journey into deep-sea diving and the profound impact it had on her life choices. Subha delves into the importance of focus, sharing insights from her own introspective journey. Together, they explore the evolving nature of work, breaking free from traditional structures, and embracing the endless possibilities that lie ahead. A candid and inspiring conversation to wrap up the year!

Discussion Topics: Choosing How to Shape Your Year

• Introduction
• Reflecting on 2023
• Subha’s Reflections on Focus and Choices
• Subha’s Insights on Distractions and Productivity
• Lessons from Social Media Wisdom and Accountability
• Queen’s Story and Choices in Life
• Moving Away from Traditional Structures
• Closing Thoughts and Wishes

Transcript: Choosing How to Shape Your Year

Subha: Welcome to another episode of Small Talk With Rainkraft podcast. Hasita, I think now if I ask you to deep dive into anything, it takes on a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?

Hasita: Oh yes, I am now a deep speciality diver. I have touched the very limits of recreational scuba diving and I couldn’t be happier, honestly. Yeah.

Subha: Awesome. And I think you’ve been able to see some really amazing underwater creatures and spend some time with them.

Hasita: And realise that they all have personalities as colourful as us, if not more, Yeah. It’s quite fascinating.

Subha: Butlet me ask you to, unfortunately, or fortunately deep dive backwards into 2023. it’s that time of year, right? We have to wrap up, rewind up, recap and do all of those things.

What’s the one thing that you’re taking away from 2023?

Hasita: my dad always used to say that, if something is meant for you, the tide will take you along. And I only discovered diving seriously in March this year. So it’s not actually been all that long, but the tide took me along. There are some things in life, which become spiritual.

And this has definitely become one of those experiences for me. I have a lot of respect and devotion for the world underwater, honestly, and it’s driven so many of my choices.for me, of course, making a choice and then making it right would be the biggest, learning from this year that, we are all capable.

And I think we all want to make those choices in life and say, this is what I want. This is what I don’t want. I’m definitely at that age and stage in life where I’m choosing much more mindfully. But when I say making it right, what I mean is, some of these choices are.

Complimentary, right? They come with a lot of guilt. They come with how will the rest of my family manage when I’m travelling this much or what’s going to happen at work? This is a choice that makes me happy. And now I have to explain it the rest of the way.

And learning to not do that. And learning how to let the simplicity of that energy, because, devotion is really the word I would use for this experience and when you’re that devoted to something, it shows and it makes a difference. yeah, it’s been a year of figuring a lot out, but mostly I think figuring myself out and learning that we all have the capacity to do many things and do them well and be happy doing it

Subha: I think you captured that perfectly because from my vantage point, that’s exactly what I saw, that multiple opportunities presented themselves to you and hence you had choices to make and you made those choices, like you said, sometimes with confidence, sometimes with that nagging guilt, sometimes a little unsureWho am I really accountable to for this choice and maybe even pleasantly we discover we’re not accountable to anyone.

We can’t make this choice.

Hasita: Yeah. And I think honestly in choosing and in asking for accountability, the person we are really asking for, validation is ourselves. So many times I think that was, and I must thank you for, especially one of those things where I said, oh, what will I tell my team? How are they gonna take the fact that I’m not available half the time?

And you said you don’t have to tell them anything. You just need to make sure. The work is happening. That is the only thing that you’re accountable towards. I think that was a big one. And I want to also understand from you, Zuba, because you started this year in a very introspective space, in a very reflective kind of environment.

In some ways, I think you were in January where I am now, right? In terms of really re-evaluating a lot of choices. It’s been a big year for you as well. So how did you Know that this is a path that you want to follow? This is a path that you don’t want to follow.

Subha: Interesting. And I think if I reframe it to what I’m really taking away from how the year went, is that ultimately we need to keep our eye on the prize or keep our focus on something. Now that could be. One thing that could be three things that could be even five things if you’re able to find the time and the energy and the mental bandwidth to touch upon all of them, but I think that focusing on something really changes the game for an individual.

You stop floating and touching things and doing them. Because you have to, and because you have time for it, why not? And why say no and all of that. And you move to a zone of saying, Hey, It’s coaching and everything else is largely a distraction. And if I can view things that present themselves to me with that lens, and then, and say yes or no, whatever I feel like saying it, whatever feels right at that moment, and then stick to that decision and keep going.

I’ve said no to. Quite a few opportunities which would have taken me back to the earlier work that I used to do either in terms of, corporate engagements of a larger scale or writing of a larger scale And I think it’s done me a lot of good. It’s set me up well for the coming year.

And I think it’s just that learning that focuses on something, lets it take you to a zone where you’re so okay to do that for the next three hours or, do something related to that for the next three months and not second guess it. Yeah.

Hasita: speak about Subha because of Instagram wisdom around what being should look like is about giving a lot of permissions, right? It’s okay to take a break or it’s okay to only show up at your 40%, which I think we all need, right? We need those permissions.

and we all work in contexts where it’s very easy to get taken advantage of if we didn’t, become aware of these things, but somewhere. Where I’m coming from is I, of course, spent quite a bit of time in therapy this year and

There was a point in time where my therapist said, you need to start moving from the oldest story and start telling new stories. Let’s use the Prince Harry example, you’ve said your piece and what happened to you was terrible. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did happen.

And you brought about a certain amount of systemic change because it happened. But now move on and find your piece. With Samir, I find that, as much as Yes, social media is great because it democratises access to a lot of these permissions and vulnerabilities somewhere. It doesn’t then also teach us how to move from that point forward, right?

If I think of it as a marketing funnel, you’re stuck at the top of giving yourself those permissions, but then what do you do with those permissions? And I think it’s so counterintuitive, right? Because like you said, once you find that thing that. Put you in the zone. You are not looking for permission to relax in the convention that the doing of that work is relaxing in and of itself.

Subha: It’s quite insightful how these almost subliminal messages really get to us and without even realising, And I truly feel what you’re saying, because I think there was a point, maybe somewhere in the middle of the year where I kept seeing or hearing conversations like you have something on your mind and then you end up seeing, and you know, it’s not some divine intervention, it’s the algorithm.

But you start seeing similar stuff. And I was seeing a lot of things which kept saying, Hey, you don’t have to do more. You can choose to do nothing. It’s okay, you deserve a rest day, or just the fact that you got up, you’ve accomplished something today,

Hasita: Yeah, because these things are true. On some days these things are not life truths, yes, of course I need permission not to get up and do stuff on certain days. I don’t need that permission on a daily basis.

Subha: correct, and it can be quite dangerous, because I didn’t see it in the moment because at that time you get caught and sucked into it and then maybe a month or two later I was reflecting that why did I take it so easy last month because I would have done so much more, but this thing of hey, it’s okay to take rest and it’s okay to not do anything you know what you want to do and you know what your focus is and sometimes it can be very deceptively not useful

Hasita: yeah. And of course, speaking of divine algorithms, , you watch one of something and then you’re watching 10 of those without even really Realising it.

Subha: Yeah. so I think what I take away into the next year is that if you have a focus area, if there’s something that you really enjoy or you think you enjoy, you want to learn more about it, you want to do more about it, then just don’t get too distracted by other things but also stay the course.

don’t let this also dwindle into something very simplistic just because you can or just because somebody says, Hey, you don’t have to always give it your a hundred percent. we Know that some days your hundred percent is the middle of the graph.

That’s fine. But do that, do that 50 percent that day.

Hasita: And we’re having all these productive conversations and of course, the crown, the final season is on both our minds, a very nuanced piece of storytelling. And I’m just thinking about someone like the queen of a country having gone through periods of rain or the need for the royal family itself being questioned.

And. We also see from the series, sure, some of it might be, not real, but finally she is a 75 year old Monarch and everyone’s waiting for her to make way for the next, including the next Monarch, by the

Subha: Yeah.

Hasita: right? and then you still have to show up at whatever is the public definition of a hundred percent, right?

You really can’t take a break from the job, so to speak. so Really, I mean, what excuse do the rest of us have in terms of not being able to, and I think what you said about the ebb and flow being part of the process, rather than just there being an ebb and there being a flow. For the sake of it versus there being a process and a purpose that is the true difference I think between so many other creatures and how we maybe live a slightly more programmed life.

Of course, the more I observe other animals, I also noticed that they are very singular about their purpose, right? A small creature with a finite lifespan of a few weeks is not really thinking about the big picture. It’s like, I exist. I have to eat. I have to survive. I have to reproduce.

Like it’s a very laser focused on what the outcome is, so maybe something to think about there as well.

Subha: another story that really resonated with me in terms of what she was sharing and putting out there was the comedian Zarna Garg, who, in her forties, after having taken a career break for, 15 plus years, children are teenagers or having headed to college, et cetera, she took up standup comedy and today she’s on stage with the likes of Tina Fey and all the big names in American comedy.

By sheer grit and perseverance saying that, hey, during the pandemic, we lost all our ability to earn as a family unit because of whatever work and nature of work that they were in. And I need to bring it home. And I knew how to do this and I happened to enjoy it.

I’ve chosen something that I enjoy and like she is working through the holiday season and her kids are working with her and helping her and supporting her in different ways during the weekends and while they apply for colleges and go through stressful personal times too. I think that’s another approach to say, Hey, I found my zone. There is an audience for my zone now and I enjoy it and they enjoy it and I’ll make the most of it. And if she started reading posts and saying, Oh, you can also take a rest. she can and she does and she will, but it takes away from the sheer energy that she’s bringing to her work today.

Hasita: yeah, a different kind of life is going to come at a different kind of. Spectrum of choices and to be okay with that more than anything. And yeah, honestly, from personal experience, it was a struggle. It really was, but at some point when I read the choice between not doing it in the interest of all the other conditions was doing it and figuring the conditions out as in when they appear.

I think my choice is very obvious to me. Yeah.

Subha: And we said, we’re not going to talk about what we see for 2024 because honestly we have no clue. But we’ll report it as and when we see it, but we have no clue what’s going to happen between the health space for the, for the global community, things are.

Kind of rearing their head again or in terms of how the workspace is going to be. But I think one thing is clear that we’re all slowly moving away from that construct in our mind that we have to follow a certain structure and, but that by a certain age, you should have done certain things or at any point of time, you should have that one steady.

Let’s say a corporate job or equivalent and other things you can call only a hobby and you can devote time to them only when you know this one is really well done, right? I think we’re slow because of the gig economy, because of hybrid work, because of just how we evolve as a species, we’re realising that We don’t need to be tied down by those structures.

We don’t need to be one scene where the queen is reminded that you signed up to serve for life, right? We haven’t signed up We have the ability to make different choices, try them out, succeed, fail, not enjoy it, find something else,

when I had a few weeks where I said, I’m not going to do too much client side work. I’m going to do a little bit more of learning or introspective work. That thought comes in, who do I have to tell? Like when you’re your own boss.

Hasita: Yeah. And so many times that permission is self reflective, right? yeah.

Subha: because I think all these structures and how we’ve seen our parents work or how we ourselves have worked in corporate avatars, there’s always a process, a form to fill, a structure where you tell X, Y, Z, and this is what you say when you’re out of office, and there’s somebody to contact in your absence, and there’s nobody to contact in my absence if I’m not there.

Hasita: fact, you should have seen my out of office email. I’m sure you’ve seen it actually just says, hi, I will be back on the 18th. Please.

Subha: So

Hasita: yeah,

Subha: That’s something that is going to be more and more the way of the world going forward, right? That you can do two different things. Like I can really focus on my coaching and then I can also crochet the life out of me and make booties for all the family members.

So That’s the only permission that we have to give ourselves, go with the tide, like your father said, and let it take you to different places, touch different things, do multiple things at a time. ebb and flow with it.

There are no rules to this game that are set in stone like they were for a few generations before us. So why not reap the benefits of that?

Hasita: Yeah. And I think that’s probably the most reassuring thing to hear before the start of a new year, right? That the possibilities are endless and you are allowed to touch multiple shores and pick what you like.

Subha: So let’s do that for this holiday break before somebody comes and says, what are your goals for the coming year?

So have yourselves a lovely holiday season and a good break. Hopefully everyone. Thank you smalltalkers for being with us through this year and hope to see you on the other side. Bye.

Hasita: See you at 24.