S3E2 – How Positivity Can Be Your Superpower With Sonia Saini

Transcript: How Positivity can be your Superpower with Sonia Saini

Subha: Hello, small talkers! Today, I’m delighted to bring another special guest to inspire and challenge you, and also tickle your mind. I have with me today, Sonia Saini, all the way from California. We met in one of the Zoom rooms of the WBECS (now part of Coaching.com) conference, which is a global platform for coaches and Sonia’s energy is immediately captivating.

So I invited her to have a chat with me on various things: coaching, the mindset of being positive, career changes, and how to manage that. And so many other interesting things that I know you will enjoy. So here goes.

Hi, Sonia, welcome to small talk with RainKraft. So glad to have you.

Sonia: Hi Subha, Thank you so much for having me.

Subha: We’ve been meaning to do this for a while now. So I’m glad that finally in 2022, I’m kick-starting with you. And obviously, as a kind of preparation for speaking with you, I was going through your website and LinkedIn and all the wonderful testimonials that people have generously shared as your clients. And I was thinking, as a coach, it’s not easy to get testimonials because saying that they’re being coached and putting it out there. So it was so heartwarming to see the generalist reviews. And not only that, I think there was a wonderful pattern that emerged that I want to ask you about.

And I think that’s what struck me when we met at a WBECS Zoom event. The energy that you bring to a conversation is amazing. And I think it is just contagious.

Sonia: Thank you so much. Yes, I think I’m known for my energy and I’ve just shared the secret that I have nicknames Sunshine and Bubbles, just because of the energy and being energised and funny. I think that’s just something part of my personality and thank you for recognizing it. I appreciate it.

Subha: Yeah. I think it probably does add a lot of value to the kind of work that you do. What still surprises you about coaching? You’ve been doing it for a while now. What really surprises you even today?

Sonia: You’re going to have to reflect on some of the amazing coaching sessions I’ve had with clients from 16 years of age, to 75 years of age, all over the world. What comes to mind is how unique everyone’s thought processes and solutions are. So while I’m listening to them and an instinctive reaction in me says oh, this person should do this. That’s like such an obvious thing, but it’s interesting how they think and what comes out as a solution for them. And they are super excited. And for them, that’s the ultimate answer.

So I think it made me realize how we all feel this way, how this is what will work. There is no one size fits all. And there are always unique, customized solutions that will work wonders for every individual.

Subha: So true. And I think it’s the awareness that you bring out as a coach in each individual that is so powerful and impactful, right? What led you to coach? Because I know you’ve had a kind of interesting career. Radio Jockey, if I’m not wrong.

Sonia: Yes, I started as a radio jockey for 8 years. I was a radio jockey and it was the most wonderful medium to help me connect with people, just through my voice, through the energy, and made me realize the beautiful ways of communication we have. It’s not just the words, but also the voice that carries it.

So from there, all the way landing up being a senior manager at Accenture, but I think it was at Accenture when there was a day when I paused to understand that I had become a machine. And when I took a pause, I asked myself the question, what am I doing in life? And how was it important? And when I did that it was very shocking for me to realize what I was doing was so meaningless.

That’s when something shifted to me and I said, am I actually being a fish, trying to climb a tree? It was not in my element and when that realization came, I began to find, which was my water. Where would I find my water? When I closed my eyes, there was one question when one of my senior managing partners at Accenture asked me, he said, what is it that you do that you love the most?

I realized since my growing up years when I helped others, it filled me with the joy that nobody can take from me, even if it meant getting scolded by my mom. And that’s when I realized I have to do something where I can serve and bring that help to others.

And it was during this course of discovery, a friend said you have to be a coach and then I got introduced to ICF. I liked the mode and approach. It’s a partnership. Instead of counseling,  mentoring, career growth, and guiding, you are really being a partner in helping get them, find the insights and wisdom and when that clicked, I knew I was home.

Subha: Awesome and I think parts of your story really resonate with me, especially that phase in the corporate career when life seems so transactional. Everybody you’re dealing with, everyone you’re speaking to, is about a task on a list and you’re ticking it off. And I think that stepping into something as powerful as coaching is just so rewarding because you really learn to take a deep breath and look inside.

Sonia: Yes. It’s almost like being true to yourself. Am I really using my time in a way that fulfills me? Am I prioritizing the right things in my life? And what am I doing to serve myself as well as my close loved ones? And I’m so thrilled that even if the awakening came a little late, I wish it had come 20 years earlier but It came at the right time for me and I am living my life now.

Subha: Super and you’re right. I think it’s about the right time because ultimately those 20 years plus, and even our childhood days, that’s what we bring to ourselves as coaches. It is important to experience all the ups and downs. I don’t think at 25, I could have truly been a coach, theoretically perhaps, the total of all my experiences, I feel add a lot to how I view a coaching relationship now.

Sonia: So you said something really interesting out there, right? You are equating the life experiences to bring meaning to you being a coach today. And I see it slightly differently there. Part of it is what does a coach do? What do you need to be doing? I’m truly in the ICF format that I follow. And I believe as a partner, when I have a client sitting there, it is not my responsibility to solve their problem. I am there with an absolutely open mind.

I am there with curiosity and I’m absolutely listening with no judgment. And that’s the only space I need to create. And at that moment in time, my experiences, understanding, and anything doesn’t come into play. And that is almost like a state of detached attachment. You are attached to being committed and helping that client find their insights, but you are detached because you are not taking responsibility.

And so in that sense, what I have had in my life or not had in my life just doesn’t matter. On the other hand, when we have experienced something in life, it allows us to have compassion, empathy, and also a little bit more understanding and connectivity with energies. So maybe that can come into play.

But in all honesty, if there’s a coach who is 19 years old, who actually understands this attached detachment and can be present, be curious, be exploratory, and truly have that very deep listening just to understand they will be as good a coach as somebody who has been coaching for 50 years. That’s my take.

Subha: That’s a very interesting perspective. And I think finally all of our beliefs come from a little bit of what we think of ourselves or how we have been. So when I think of my 18 or 19-year-old self, definitely the compassion was strong, the wanting to help others, to be with them, to support them, to just listen.

All of that was incredibly strong. I feel I was a lot more judgmental. with age and experience my curiosity has gone up and my judgment has significantly gone now. And that has been a very helpful tool now as a coach and a professional. I think this whole year I am really focusing on Ted Lasso’s “ be curious, not Judgmental”. And if you take it to heart, it is so powerful.

Sonia: I think for me, I grew up very non-judgemental. I have always observed things in people. But it didn’t matter to me what that made them or sometimes they don’t even know how they’re coming across. So I would give that benefit of the doubt. I found out from people I came across that I have asked amazing questions and helped them find their ways. So, my journey was that way and I feel that life experiences wouldn’t have taken or added things to me as a coach but in life, I’d say it’s enriched me and made me nicer and something very different.

Subha: Yeah. I was actually gonna ask you why I feel it changes in our personal relationships so much. Did you find that happening too esp through tough times? I think there is an inner strength that you’re able to call upon when you have that coaching mindset and that mindset of being attuned to your mind and your body a lot more.

Sonia: Absolutely. I had the biggest transformational year, 2013 and 2014. I’m very careful about health and do checkups and am mindful of what I’m eating etc but my husband loves to eat and enjoy life and smile and does not exercise. All of a sudden, the doctor called after his checkup to talk in his office and we found out that he had a third stage of malignant tumor. I was distraught and we processed the situation and next morning, I hugged my husband and said we will be fine because we found out about it and something can be done.

And it was that moment when I realized that anything is about perspective and how you look at things, big or small. From that experience, I learned a deep lesson and I knew there was nothing in the world that I wouldn’t be able to conquer with my attitude. That driving power will always help me see the positive things and give me perspective.

Subha: Thank you so much for sharing that so powerful. And I think you’re right. It’s your to be able to see the positives in a difficult time like that. And it doesn’t come to many of us to most of us easily. And it’s something that you are able to pass on as a coach, the energy, the positivity. And I think it is truly impacting. I think so much is in the middle. That we can actually change the course of our own lives in significant ways because it’s all in our own mind.

Sonia: So the question is what is the truth that you’re getting today in your hearts and minds? What are you believing? What is your perspective? What are you seeing? Because what becomes your belief and what your belief is, becomes your truth.

Subha: Correct. Okay. I’m going to shift gears a little bit here, but it’s a thread that I want to stay with. I find that a lot of folks in their forties put in about 15, or 20 years in the corporate career track and they’ve hit a plateau. That plateau just has started to feel more real with this working from home and the long hours and the, and just the anxiety in the mind of so many other things, is it inevitable? After 15, or 20 years, why are so many people soul-searching typically at that stage? We have the great resignation, whatever, but it’s a trend or it’s definitely there. I’m wondering if you see that too.

Sonia: Yes, I have observed that pattern. It’s very simple and all in the mind. For a young adults, it’s about college or the first job and dreams and things they can achieve. They can feel the freedom and the usefulness of where they are and who they are. However, with the added responsibilities over the years and the weight and the burdens of relationships and everything, they get tired and maybe they’ve hit their limit. But the truth is that is normal.

Life will hit you with different things but as long as your inner narrative is positive and forward-looking, you will find this chance to generate that energy for yourself. Most of the time, people don’t even realize how much reserve they have for happiness, emotions, and energy. It took 25 years but finally, they’re stopping and thinking, what am I doing? And I can’t do this anymore.

Subha: Yeah. True. And you’re right. Those who hit that plateau and are doing that soul searching and feeling the fatigue, those who come out of it stronger are those who are able to have that positive mindset. When they hit that plateau, and approach it with the mindset of discovering their capabilities, they come out of this enlightened and enriched. Maybe it’ll hit them again in 10 years but they will enjoy the time before that.

Sonia: And I know I can tell you, this is already shifting because if you talk to the millennials, you talk to the younger generation today, they are very clear and focused on what they want to do and what they are going to get out of it and how fulfilling it is. They are walking away from things and environments that are not giving them the happiness and respect that they deserve.

We could see that shift has come instead of focusing on family units or as a collective but more on an individual and what that individual will be satisfied with. It’s all about the perspective that we look at, but it’s amazing to see that the younger generation is getting their priorities right. And making those choices very deliberately.

Subha: Exactly what I was going to ask you for our younger listeners, can they preempt this? Maybe they try 4 different things and may or may not be satisfied and move on from them.

Sonia: Yes, They have the coverage to follow their heart or to follow what feels right. Some people are stuck because of the comfort and security or loyalty but it takes courage to walk away and do what you want to do.

Subha: Sonia, you also worked with a lot of startups. And I saw something interesting about communication in board meetings, pre IPO communication. Tell me a little about that.

Sonia: A lot of times when people ask me if I’m an executive coach or life coach, people forget to understand that when you’re coaching, it’s about coaching a person: not the title or position. Whether it’s a CEO or COO or whatever level they are in an organization, they are feeling the same stress as anyone else.

They are also wondering how to communicate or shift perspective or change. They could be CEO, wife, doctor, or a sister and probably also coach their son or younger siblings. The point is that we are managing so many roles at any given point. So, when I have a CEO preparing for a board meeting, the session is about coaching plus brainstorming the top key points they should be discussing and having them think.

After they called out different needs, I seek permission to share what I have observed, maybe points they mentioned in the other sessions that they failed to remember. And then together, we see if they have holistically looked at everything.

And at the end of the session, I ask how do you feel in your body? People don’t realize that your body talks to you. Whether it’s a headache or a stomachache, or heartburn, it may not necessarily be because of what you ate or the fact that you didn’t sleep or walk. It could be that stress manifesting itself on various screens.

So at the end of the recession, my last question would be to see how they feel because that’s a strong indicator of whether they have found the solution or the answer they were looking for. If they still have some hesitation, they articulate what they are and we will pick that up at the next session and see.

Subha: Yeah. And I think what I really like in terms of what’s happening today is that a lot of individuals, whatever stage of their career are willing to seek help, are willing to seek external support. They’re happy to have an objective voice alongside them. Like you said, just helping them think out loud, brainstorm, put some common threads together and really enhance their own profile.

I think that takes courage to open up to a stranger at the end of the day and say that this is where I’m vulnerable, or this is what I feel, or this is what I’m not good at, but more and more folks are trying it out and that’s a great sign.

Sonia: There are so many stereotypes and myths that are associated with coaching. People assume some people get coaching because of bad performance or some mistakes. But today that’s not the case. You need to have the courage to be true to yourself and to be honest with someone else. And then have the courage to follow through when you realize what you should be doing and make changes. Sometimes people can’t do that and that’s fine but to even begin being coached, you need to have that courage, an open mind, and curiosity.

Subha: So true. And I think as coaches, we think if the person is ready to be coached. And that’s an important factor in making it. What are some of the other roadblocks/mental blocks that you find yourself having to help that person climb over? Because a lot of folks who want to reach out and get help but have preconceived notions in their mind in terms of how that engagement will go or how fast can I see a result. They are afraid it will take 6 months or a year, forgetting that it took 45 years to find this. So what are the other preconceived notions that you have to help them overcome?

Sonia: Even as I answered that question, this is something you hit on and I wanted to put it out there. When people are hesitant when deciding, how can they find the courage to actually take that first step? Everyone has motivations whether they want to lose weight or read, and they need to find that strong driving force. So it’s understanding the pull and the push and where your motivation lies.

For preconceived issues, definitely, people have so many beliefs in their lives, which are very limiting. We wake up every day in the morning, you brush your teeth, you take a shower and you wash your hands every time but how many of you get up and clean your mind? If there’s a negative thought in your mind, it takes away your energy.

You need to recognize it, scan it, and because those kinds of weeds would only grow in your mind whereas if you have a thought which gives you happiness, put it in a good state of mind where it will allow your creativity, calmness, and allow an openness of mind to accept and to grow. So it’s Like they say the better sympathetic nerves and the sympathetic nerves, which ones are at, because if it does the parasympathetic, then you are calm and you’re breathing deep and nice.

So, you need to find the problem by understanding, what is the quality of your thoughts. What is the energy that those thoughts give you? You don’t need a doctor or medicine or external help. You can shift and change, and you can find yourself in a more resourceful state of mind.

Subha: That’s lovely. And I just realized that you put it so beautifully about cleaning your mind and I think I’ve been intuitively doing that. Especially in the last couple of years, I built myself a little green garden space on the balcony, and every morning I head there first so that I get this 10 minutes in a green space, warm sunlight, fresh air, and just to zone out the negativity and to just start the day with positive or no thoughts but to start the fresh day and get rid of the weeds of the previous day. There are simple things that we can build into our routine to be our own doctors.

Sonia: Yes. And that’s why meditation and yoga have taken so much of presidents all over the world, right? Because meditation is deep breathing and as you deeply breathe and breathe out, you are actually forcing yourself to slow down and that’s such a beautiful saying where they say “slow down to go fast”.

You’re allowing yourself to calm down. People will say you know what you’re saying because you’re working on your own now and you don’t have the pressures. But the reality is I am who I am because I made the choices. I quit my job when I was in a high-profile position. And I walked away not knowing how my coaching profession would do, but knowing I’m going to be good because I knew that I’m building it on my superpowers. And I knew if I did a good job if I made a difference, then there will be a reference and there’ll be another reference and there’ll be enough.

Subha: It’s like you said, so many limiting beliefs, right? I think it’s possible to find some peace in the five to 10 minutes I had, even in the craziness of corporate life because it’s all in our mind and in how we approach it.

Sonia: In fact, It’s one of the reasons why I chose to be an executive. Because, as you said, we are not our bosses and we are working for someone. And if we can have leaders out there be coached and have this awareness and this realization, not only will they shift and change their lives, but it will allow them to change the lives of hundreds and thousands of people who are working for them. And therefore that one person’s coaching can actually be an amazing triple effect for so many of us.

Subha: So true. I think we forget that when there’s power to empower that leader or that individual, the cascading effect which we never really know and which even they may not realize, but it’ll just spread across so many and that’s beautiful. And I think that’s what gives us that kick every day, right? That this is the kind of impact that I work in.

Sonia: Absolutely. As you invited me to talk with you by using the medium of connectivity, we have processed and spoken about the reality that we have seen in our lives, but also empowering people by just making that kid aware and realising that it all begins inside you. There’s an internet where you can go and find answers and there’s an inner-net that you can go and find yourself in.

Oh, it has really been wonderful chatting with you. I’m glad we finally got down to it and did this and the whole “Be curious, not judgmental”. I’m going to ask on behalf of our Smalltalk listeners, what’s that one thing that you think they need to read or listen to or try?

I am one of those who believe that I learned from my life. I know there are people out there who read all the books to get that knowledge and then trust us but I work the opposite way. I actually observe, learn from life, and then I come up with my own theories and they work for me. I’m not imposing it on anyone. But I share my perspective and a lot of times it seems to work for others. So the one thing that I would always say, is don’t worry about taking time to read or do anything else. If you don’t have that in your busy life, just take a moment to ask yourself.

I am so beautiful. I am so capable and I can do it and just see the energy in your body and then walk to the other side of the room and see, I don’t know, I’m growing old and you have these sprinkles and I’m 45 years old. I need and I’m here when I am in life and life sucks and I feel the energy in your body. And just by doing the simple exercise, you will recognize, what is the inner power usually held at the end of the day. What you think is what you feel is what you do. And therefore please pay attention and focus on what you are thinking. You’ll be amazed to see how many things are in your control.

Subha: Beautiful. I think it is a very powerful little exercise that anyone can try. And I think those who are tired of book records and listening to this and watching this and reading that will be very thankful to you today.

Thank you so much. And we will chat again for sure. Take care and Bye Bye.