S5E3 – What makes a great mentor, and how can you find one?

What makes a great mentor, and how can you find one? Join Subha Chandrasekaran and Hasita Krishna as they delve into the power of mentorship in career growth. Discover the secrets of finding the right mentors, building trust, and creating a supportive ecosystem for your professional development. From navigating confusion to becoming a mentor yourself, this show explores the transformative potential of mentorship in every phase of your career. Tune in and learn from the experts!

Discussion Topics: What makes a great mentor, and how can you find one?

• How to find a good mentor?
• Is there value in planning out your career?
• Is mentoring an easy relationship?
• Transitioning to the role of a mentor
• Who are the mentors learning from?

Transcript: What makes a great mentor, and how can you find one?

Subha Chandrasekaran: Welcome to another episode of the Small Talk with Rainkraft podcast! Just what we needed. One more podcast. There was an interesting thread that, generally I hear, maybe because I kind of end up following a lot of different, talk show hosts, comics in, in their own individual shows.

And they all will talk about being inspired by a David Letterman, or Jay Leno, or maybe even a Seinfeld, and Seinfeld will talk about Johnny Carson, and So there are people in your lives who inspire. Definitely, and make you want to do something, do it well, do it as good as them, one day better than them, and all of that. But who really helps you get there? Hmm, It’s not these guys. Right. They’re not accessible to you.

Hasita Krishna: It’s interesting that you kind of bring up the concept of an ecosystem that facilitates growth and finally that ecosystem is still people who are those people and how do we know that we are surrounded by them?

Subha Chandrasekaran: When I joined my first job after B. School, I was assigned somebody to be my buddy, which was just a friendly name for a mentor right? And, I thought that was a very nice gesture, and, it’s somebody who I’m on and off in touch with even now.

Because it was someone who helped me navigate the early days and, helped me just figure out, the lay of the land. That’s okay, what’s not okay and I think that’s something that is very, it’s not talked about as much, but a very, very powerful relationship of finding a mentor. 

Hasita Krishna: I can kind of, you know, resonate and relate to that a lot. Um, having largely had an independent career away from any, you know, brand names or employment in its traditional sense definitely, at every stage, I think what led me further on was the presence of a person who said there is a further one to go to. We all have to start somewhere, but who’s going to show us the bigger picture and say, this is what it could be?

Subha Chandrasekaran: I read a nice quote by Zig Ziglar, which said, that a lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.

Hasita Krishna: That was so true. So true. But I’m just thinking, I mean, larger organisations obviously have buddy systems and mentoring, probably in a slightly more structured manner, or maybe when you’re much older, or you make a significant enough professional transition, you realise, I need some support on that front.

But what about someone who is probably not falling on any of these ends of the spectrum? But generally, I think somewhere we all have that visceral knowledge that we are ready for the next thing. It’s just sometimes it takes, like you said, another person to show us what that is and show us the ropes. How do we find them?

How to find a good mentor?

Subha Chandrasekaran: I think one thing to remember is that typically when we talk about, finding a mentor and somebody to show you the way, it’s important that they are in a field of work that is relevant to you. So a mentor is somebody who has been there, done that, and who has some amount of answers for you, some stories to tell you which are relevant to the work and the industry that you are in, who have past experiences that you could, learn from and say, hey, maybe I should do it this way, or maybe I should not do it this way.

So, if I look at it, I don’t know why I thought of a Venn diagram, but if there’s a big circle of networking, I think somewhere inside that is this circle of, a mentor, because among all the people that you meet, And bump into and promise you’ll keep in touch and let’s connect again and all of that visiting cards.

There are a few who will strike a chord and you’ll say, hey there’s something more here. Whatever I seem, whatever I say, or whatever challenges I face, or either they’ve seemed to have gone through it, or they have some clarity on what I could do about it. And I like the way they share their stories.

And so. So, typically mentorship is a very informal relationship, a connection, but the foundation is that they’ve been there, done that, and what you intend to do, right?

Hasita Krishna: I think that makes it a lot easier, right? Instead of saying, I am looking for a mentor to solve an abstract thing, I think what we’re saying is to start with the skill set.

Subha Chandrasekaran: So it’s very tough if you say, I’m looking for some mentor who will also inspire me and who will generally help boost my career, that kind of general want is difficult to fulfil. But early in my career, if everyone could say, hey let me find, or let me connect and stay connected with folks who can guide me, who can even give me specifics.

And who maybe even can connect me to others, who will be useful in the work that I’m doing and so early in my career. It’s Good to start always or in your early career It’s good to keep a lookout for somebody with whom you feel that there is a bit of a stronger connection than others, you feel safe, you feel comfortable asking them things, you like the kind of responses that you’re getting, nurture that and maybe even, hey, can I consider you a mentor who I can just, maybe an hour a month we speak, we meet, we touch base, whatever, like it’s, it can be as formal as you want, as, as informal as you want.

Hasita Krishna: So continuing on the same train of thought, I was just thinking, is there value in planning your career out for the next, frankly, is it even possible to plan your career out for the next 10 years?

And then kind of work backwards from there and say, in three years, if this is where I want to be. Then this is the person I should reach out to or do you recommend that it stay a little more organic? What’s a better approach?

Is there value in planning out your career?

Subha Chandrasekaran: That’s interesting because sometimes I feel if we had that much clarity to think 10 ahead and work backwards, we might not really need it.

I found that mentors play a role most when you are in a state of confusion, or you’re looking for, alternatives, like you can see only one path, you’re saying, hey, what else could I do here? And I’ve had such wonderful mentors in my career. Sometimes, even interestingly, they have been in my own line of business.

And I say that because typically a mentor in organisations, you know, you want them to not be in your day to day. But sometimes it’s been a super boss or a super boss’s boss or somebody who you’ve just forged a connection with. And you’re able to say, can we just step aside and can I ask you this or can we chat about this?

There have been times when I’ve come back from maternity breaks, and I’ve reached out to a senior woman leader and forged that connection and said, hey should I take up this kind of role or that kind of role? What would it entail? How do I ask for a certain kind of flexibility? How do I navigate, the next promotion cycle or something where it was a safe space?

I could ask the questions they shared. It’s not like they had answers per se, but just listening to their experience, what they’ve seen for themselves and other women leaders that they’ve worked with, gives you so many alternatives to think about.

Hasita Krishna: Right, No, it makes sense. I think life stage and relevance and having been through something is the only good teacher in life in any case, which also kind of brings me to, is mentoring supposed to be easy, no one stepping on each other’s toes kind of relationship or is conflict a good thing?

Is mentoring an easy relationship?

Subha Chandrasekaran: That’s interesting. I mean, I personally don’t recall conflict. 

Hasita Krishna: Me either. In fact, the one time there was conflict, I ran.

Subha Chandrasekaran: Because I think you walk into that conversation ideally with a very open mind. So you’re even okay, like because, in that conversation, she told me, I don’t think you’re ready for that sales role now.

And I needed to hear that. I agree. And I didn’t take it as judgement. I didn’t take it as, Oh my God, a senior leader thinks I can’t do this now. How is that going to impact my career? What’s the organisation? Nothing. It was very valuable, sound advice. At that point in time, I needed to hear it. And so I think maybe not conflict, but be ready to hear something that maybe honestly, you needed to hear and accept.

Hasita Krishna: Accept it for what it is. That’s interesting and typically, assuming that you have found good mentors along the way. Obviously, the whole idea behind mentoring is that it’s like a stepladder and you’re I mean, it’s a very basic metaphor, but if you look at it that way, there will be a phase where you might outgrow certain mentors.

Subha Chandrasekaran: Very much. No, no, true. You might lose touch. You may move to different industries. Losing touch is the least of the problems.

Hasita Krishna: Okay, now I think I got what you’re saying. You may literally outgrow them like they’ve you. Their stories are over as far as you’re concerned. The pot is too small for the plant now.

Subha Chandrasekaran: No, I think, that’s another thing about mentorship that this is not, I mean, it’s not a marriage definitely. And so it’s not lifelong. It’s not that there is only going to be one mentor in your life who has to answer every question that you have. Right. So be ready to lose someone along the way, pick up somebody else.

Because this one person cannot, solve everything that’s going to happen to you over the course of your life, right? So, don’t try and also when you’re, I mean, we’re always evaluating, right? So when you’re evaluating, don’t try and see, hey, is this the perfect person?

They will never be, but they may be just the right person for that phase of your career for the set of you. Issues that you’re having at that point in time, may be a great person to have a conversation with.

Hasita Krishna: And would you say that even one or two conversations still count?

Subha Chandrasekaran: A little longer, I think. It’s more of a relationship. Somebody you realise you keep going back to for that kind of, those kinds of answers or those kinds of queries but it could be somebody who helps you navigate a certain phase, a certain transition, like when I moved out from banking into Coaching, leadership, development, etc.

There were a couple of people who genuinely took me under their wings and said, hey we’ve been doing this and we continue to do this. And, let me learn from them. Let me ask the stupid questions that like you said when you’re on your own. I had no one else to ask. There was no organisation.

Hasita Krishna: And it’s also quite interesting that people who’ve sorted it out are actually quite open to, you know, sharing that knowledge. Like it’s not a secretive, cult-like situation and, no. I figured it out, right?

Subha Chandrasekaran: They tell you more about the things they did wrong.

Hasita Krishna: That takes a lot of self actualization, I think.

Transitioning to the role of a mentor

Hasita Krishna: Which kind of also brings me to, I mean, at some point. We do transition into the role of a mentor for somebody somewhere must be thinking of someone who’s come before them in that, in that context.

And it’s a privilege, honestly. What makes for a good mentor? Like, how do you know that you’re ready to be someone’s mentor, or rather, even if you’re looking, at certain attributes, what are certain common things that you would look for?

Subha Chandrasekaran: I think firstly. You should be able to establish trust, right, that, hey, I’m here.

This is me, the real me. I’m being authentic. I’m bringing my life experiences to you. And I trust that you and I will use these conversations. For the purposes intended, I mean, we’re not having this so that you secretly write a book about me and mention me by name, designation, and geography.

So, how do you build trust I think, there are ways to show that you mean businessmen in this engagement and in this conversation, etc.

Be honest, be constructive, and the single most important thing that you can give them is your time and energy. So, you know, and when you give them that, like, listen with a lot of intent. Not that, you’re also typing a text message to somebody or you’re in the middle of something else.

But genuinely giving that space, you and I are going to sit down and have coffee. Come, let’s chat, do this, chat, et cetera, et cetera. Mm-hmm and so everything in your the words that you use are positive, constructive, your body language is positive. You don’t say, hey, remember last time I told you to meet two people and then come, you still like, not overly, that’s not the role of. You are not their supervisor.

Hasita Krishna: Makes sense, not their coach. Maybe to some extent, that relationship is

Subha Chandrasekaran: kind of different, the accountability that you, hold them to is a little less stringent.

Hasita Krishna: Because I think you’re also trying to identify why something is not happening versus saying, this didn’t make sense.

And as you, I think, get more senior in whatever role you’re pursuing. Do you still see value in mentorship? And if so, what kind of, I’m just thinking like, at some point, you are the ceiling in your industry, right? In terms of just knowledge, professionals know how, unless you’re separating and going on to a different path, you have become, in some ways, the go-to person.

And I’m just thinking of some of the LinkedIn influencers we follow. Like, who are they learning from? And should they even, like, if they know everything, then what are they kind of, you know?

Who are the mentors learning from?

Subha Chandrasekaran: I think, there’s a lot. That is untapped today because like you said, we tend to create these artificial ceilings that, oh, I’ve spent, 25 years in marketing and hence, and right now, there’s maybe nobody senior in marketing that you have as a mentor, etc.

I think that’s when you start looking in the other direction. And you say, hey, who are the youngsters I can learn from? It’s reverse mentoring like somebody who’s in their 20s can be your mentor too, if you are in mid-career, because they may have a lot to offer in terms of emerging trends or technology, like, what stops me today from saying, hey, there’s a lot happening in AI, let me find somebody who’s young, bright.

Hasita Krishna: And it naturally may be attuned to that world.

Subha Chandrasekaran: I’m excited about this space and have some conversations and ask how can I use it in my business or why should I or what should I worry about in terms of, I mean, there are going to be or there are AI coaches. So what should I do and it’s interesting.?

Hasita Krishna: Maybe I will go and ask somebody, who didn’t think of that in terms of just things you don’t know.

Subha Chandrasekaran: No, I think there’s always a so if you look at it as a learning relationship, a safe space to, talk about things largely in a professional sphere, and they’re not your coach or therapist. So they’re not there to solve those kinds of problems.

But if you can, build that relationship and that connection where every time I have something to do, even sometimes a sounding board, somebody to say, Hey, I’ve got these two or three ideas. Should I try this kind of project? Should I put my hand up for this opportunity? You’ve done that before?

What went right? What went wrong? And then be open to their stories. Another thing is that not all mentor stories will be the right ones, you know, but it’s okay.

Hasita Krishna: Makes sense. That’s very interesting and you’ve spoken obviously about relationships and about it being a two-way street and obviously a mentor is not someone who did a five-year degree in mentoring, right? That’s not the idea. If you had to structure it, as a mentor yourself, what would you kind of aim for?

Subha Chandrasekaran: I think, there’s not too much that the mentor would be structuring, but what I would insist on and, even, hope that they come with is at least a basic set of goals or areas that they want to work on. And, some kind of awareness or willingness to explore, what’s the strength that they’re bringing to these goals and what’s probably areas where you can help them.

Right? So if you come to me and say, Hey, I, I know how to, I know how to do the sale, but I seem to be not so confident about something else or not so confident in how I communicate. So there’s some awareness. And then you’re able to use your experience to solve that. 

So one of the guiding principles of mentorship is don’t solve it. Oh, no. Don’t look to solve the person. Right. But strive to see the potential in them. Right because finally, in mentorship, you’re not accountable for the results. You don’t, you’re not their supervisor. You’re not granting a promotion.

You’re not appraising them. Neither are they coming to you with those notions. So just be that. You asked me what are the other things. Facets of being a mentor. Be that really strong cheerleader. Hey, give it a shot. Yes, it can go wrong. This is how it went wrong for me.

Hasita Krishna: Yeah.

Subha Chandrasekaran: Knowing that, please give it a shot. I think you’ll do better at it. You are excited about it or you have the capability for it. And kind of be that person who’s nudging them along, you know. That, listening, hearing what they’re trying to say, showing empathy, all of that is just good relationship building and good, kind of being that, experienced person in the room. But what we all tend to be a little less of is that strong cheerleader. Just encourage.

Hasita Krishna: Gonna go find me some cheerleaders now.

Subha Chandrasekaran: All the best. and if you’re looking to set up some kind of mentorship program in your organisation, do reach out, and let’s set it up. www.rainkraft. in And don’t forget to follow Small Talk with RainKraft.