YT08 | Breaking the Cycle of Violence, Drugs and Crime: Bruce Mathieu’s Story of Redemption

This is a story of Bruce, an ex-gang member turned into a desistor-mentor and sought-after Singaporean motivational speaker. He was the first ex-offender to be invited to speak at Thai Institute of Justice during the conference for senior officials in 2022. Bruce overcame a 30-year drug addiction battle and two decades of incarceration, being in and out of prison five times. Raised in Singapore by a single Chinese mother after his French father’s departure, Bruce endured a turbulent childhood marked by abuse and anger. His teenage years led him into a dark world of drugs, joining a gang at the age of 13 and sparking a relentless cycle of crime. Despite multiple incarcerations, Bruce couldn’t break free, even after marriage and fatherhood.

However, a poignant moment during a prison visit from his daughter on her 4th birthday became his turning point. Unable to hold his child, he vowed to change. Since his 2016 release, Bruce’s transformation into a motivational speaker has inspired others to break free from addiction and find hope in recovery. Bruce’s story is a testament to resilience. He shares his journey of redemption and how he now dedicates his life to helping others find their way back into society. Join Yana for an intimate conversation with Bruce as he opens up like never before about his remarkable transformation and his mission to inspire change.

Discussion Topics: Breaking the Cycle of Violence, Drugs and Crime

• Introduction to Bruce Mathieu’s journey
• Overcoming childhood trauma
• A glimpse into the world of addiction and crime
• A turning point: the day that changed everything
• Bruce’s mission: from ex-offender to mentor
• The unwavering support of family
• The lifelong battle of self-forgiveness
• A message to those still struggling
• Reflecting on the 12-year-old boy’s choices
• Conclusion and the power of sharing life stories

Transcript: Breaking the Cycle of Violence, Drugs and Crime

Yana Fry: Welcome to the Yana TV. Today we have a guest with a very unusual life story. An ex-offender who has been imprisoned five times for drug offences. Now a mentor to reintegrating ex-offenders who are reintegrating back into society. A really unusual story of Bruce Matthew in a way that you have never heard before. Bruce, thank you so much for joining us today. 

Bruce: Thank you for inviting me here.

Yana Fry: When you invited me to hear your story for the first time, my first personal reaction was, wow, that must require a lot of strength for you to have the life that you created right now. And that’s actually what I would like to talk about. So to give us the perspective, let’s maybe start from the very beginning of childhood. So how a little boy named Bruce was growing up.

Bruce Mathieu’s childhood – growing up in an abusive household

Bruce: Okay, This little boy named Bruce grew up in a big house in Katon, and the house was 8,000 square feet. It belonged to my own grandfather. But my father left me alone.

So as such my mum had raised me all alone. And my mum was a very strong woman. She wouldn’t take charity or help from anyone. She said,  if I can give birth to you, I also can raise you up by myself. The problem was my mum had other siblings staying together and some of them were drunks.

So I guess me not having a father with me, They felt that I was an easy target. So when they were drunk or when they were in a bad mood, quarrelling with their wife, I would get beaten up.

Yana Fry: I’m sorry about that. And then what happened?

Bruce: So this thing happened for quite many years until I remembered. It was about two weeks before my 12th birthday. I told my mother this, I said, mom, I say in two weeks time, I’m going to be 12. I’m going to be a big boy. And I don’t think so. I do not want to let them bully me again. I say, if they hit me, I might retaliate. And the strange thing was true to what I said. About one month after my birthday was over. But this thing happened, my uncle called me, one of my uncles, he called me over and he accused me of doing something which I didn’t do. So of course I said no. Each time I said no, he hit me across the face very hard. He just wanted to force me to admit, which I did not want to.

I can’t recall how many times he slapped me, but I think there was a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I blacked out. I blacked out, not as I fainted. I went into a rage.

I ran to the kitchen, he followed me in, I took a chopper, I’m gonna chop him. So he saw me taking a knife, he actually stood down there, not moving. And then my mother was at home, ran towards me, caught hold of my wrist, asked me to let go of the chopper, which I did. After I let go, he charged at me and punched me. This uncle. So the next thing I took was a beer bottle that was on the floor.

My uncles drank a lot too. The same thing when I took the beer bottle. He stopped, He didn’t move. My mother caught hold of my wrist and asked me to let it go. Once I let it go, He attacked me again. So we fought after that.

And Right. The fight was quite violent. Right after the fight, my mom told me she said, come let’s pack our bags. We went, and that was it.  We left, she and I left.

Yana Fry:  And then what happened to your life after that, after you were 12?

Bruce: So for the next 20 years, we moved from rental to rental and so when you move into a rental flat, it is not actually in prison, so I was in my teens and I did not have any siblings?

In my teens, I felt bored. I went to look for friends, and I guess I looked for them in the wrong places. So at 13, I joined a triad in Singapore. So shortly after joining a triad, I think it was three months, they introduced me to my first weed.

I tried it for the first time and I loved it. I love the high that we gave me, I guess at 13 I didn’t really understand actions and consequences. All right. So because I love the high. That was the beginning of all my problems that lasted 30 years.

Drugs do strange things to a person, right? So drugs made me lie, steal, rob, and cheat in order to support my habit. And then drugs had also turned me into a violent man.

So in my chemically altered state of mind, I fought many times. I have assaulted the police. The officer and I have even stabbed someone. And there was this once while I was in police custody. I had also attempted to escape by jumping out of the third-floor window. So basically that was my life.

Yana Fry: Which again ended up also with many times, right? Going to prison and staying there and since I know from your story, it happened over five times. And I imagine every time you will be released, until we go back into society, somehow the integration didn’t happen. You will go all over again through the same story and it becomes like a repeatable pattern over and over. What was then the turning point when you realised that you couldn’t live like this anymore?

Bruce’s turning point in life

Bruce: During my last incarceration, I spent a lot of time thinking about this question, Why, Bruce, why are you going on May 29th, 2012?

I was asking myself, hey, aren’t you scared of going in and out of prison? What is the reason you keep coming back? What is the reason? There must be something. There must be a pull factor, right? After spending a few months thinking about it, it finally struck me as to what the answer was. And you know what, Yana It’s so scary because the answer is so simple that you don’t even think about it.

I’ve been going in and out of prison simply because I forget. When we are in prison, we abide by the rules, alright? We are living in a structured environment. But once we come out, there are no rules to hold us back, no structure. We are on our own, we do what we like. So when we go out, we breathe fresh, clean air or freedom, I guess everything we forget. Alright? We forget about the pain and suffering that we had to endure when we were in prison. We forget about the unnecessary misery our families have to go through because of us. And of course, we forget about the promises we made to ourselves, not to come back to prison again, right?

Yana Fry:  All this just sounds a bit to me like an addiction. And so yet, what was the turning point?

Bruce: Okay, the first four times I was in prison, I wasn’t married? But The last time I was in prison, I was married. And only married, I had a daughter.

My wife, or my ex-wife, would bring my daughter to visit me once every month. So there was this particular visit when she came, that day was a special day because that day was my daughter’s birthday. The exact day she turned four my ex-wife had bought her a brand new dress.

She was so proud of the dress and that she was also coming to see her father, that when she stepped into the cubicle, started to parade herself. And then when she sat down, I sang her birthday song.

The three of us, my ex-wife, my daughter, and I were all singing and clapping. Can I tell you, that one minute, it was as if I wasn’t in prison? So after I finished singing the song, my daughter looked at me. She was so happy with those big, beautiful eyes. And she said, Dada! Carry!

I tell you when she said that, my heart dropped. Okay, my heart, really, my heart dropped. And I didn’t know what to do. I think in her excitement, or as a child, she failed to see the glass that was in front of us.

I just stood down there. I didn’t know how to react. Then when my daughter saw that I wasn’t reacting, she looked at me quizzically and said, Dada, Carry! And I did the only thing I could, And that was, I shook my head, okay. And Yana, when she saw me doing that, I tell you, she cried and she bawled, I want to go home, I want to go home!

I have spent so many years in prison, and I’ve never missed any one visit, okay? But that visit… I couldn’t finish that visit because my daughter was so uncontrollable she was affecting the other people. So my wife had to bring her to leave.

And that scene alone, I tell you, I consider the day of my entire life, The worst day,

Can you imagine a daughter’s request from her father as a birthday gift?

The only thing she wanted was for me to carry and yet I couldn’t do that.

Yana Fry: So what was then you must have and had a realisation and made a promise to yourself at that moment. So what was that?

Bruce’s promise to himself

Bruce: What happened was for 30 years when I was taking drugs, I was never motivated to stop. But I guess the scene with my daughter really gave me the motivation to say, Bruce, you have to stop because if you don’t, history will repeat itself. And if it does, I don’t think my heart can take it. So that day was the turning point. And I told myself, that’s it. So that’s it if you hope to change. But in order to change, you still need to take steps into changing. Yep.

Yana Fry: This actually brings us to very important points. You don’t change in 24 hours. It’s not possible. It’s a journey. So what was the toughest part in rebuilding your life back into society?

Bruce is rebuilding his life through sharing his story

Bruce: To be very honest with you. That’s what we’re doing. This time when I’m out rebuilding wasn’t my top priority.

Rebuilding myself, rebranding myself, earning money. It wasn’t a priority. I had a goal, or I have a goal in life. And my goal, or I consider my mission in life now is actually to share My life story. And the reason you want to do it is because I don’t want others to go through the things I’ve been through. Come on, Yana, we all have one life, and how long can a life be?

60, 70 years? And you think you should waste about half of it in prison? And if you consider the parts where I was a teen and on drugs, there will even be, there will be even more. By the time I came out I was 46. A lot of prison records, no skills, no life skills, no working skills. Professional in Singapore, a meritocratic society. What are my chances, you tell me?

But you know what? It is what it is. And every man has got to.

What was my first job? I came out, I had a job at Teen Challenge Singapore. It was a halfway house. Since I wanted to help people, I thought, why not over there? Okay. I served there I served there for 14 months, and I tell you, Yana, To me it was a blessing because I used all the negativity in my life and changed it into positive ones so that I could help, encourage, and I guess most of all, impact the lives of other individuals who share the same addiction problems as I do.

Yana Fry: Do you feel that you still have it?

Does Bruce still have a drug problem?

Bruce: Of course I do. Okay. I, if you consider me plus the years in prison and the years I’m outside, it’s about 10 years more.

But if you ask any hardcore drug addict, anyone, How long have you stopped drugs? 10, 15, 20 years? Have you recovered? The smart ones will tell you they’re not. I’ll tell you a story. When I was in prison, I knew this guy was in my cell. Was always very stressed out. Then I asked him why. Then he told me a story. He was previously a heroin addict, and he had stopped for 20 years.

So one day while going out, he, pubbing. He had met some friends, they were drinking, being happy.

Yeah, Friends booked a girl for him, alright, to bring home for the night. And they just told him, eh, I had some dope on me. Do you want to just take a few puffs, for the night? And, at that moment in time, he let his guard down. And he said, sure, why not? What could three puffs do?

He went to the toilet, took three puffs, came out, sat down, and drank again. About 10, or 15 minutes later, the lights all came on.

Police, spot-check, all your IDs. So I guess he must have panicked because, 20 years later, when they screen, normally they don’t bring you in for a urine test. But I think he panicked, it showed on his face.

So they said, come. bring you back for a urine test. That’s a positive. And guess what, he went in 3 years. You have already stopped for so long. But if you let your gut down at any point in time, anything can happen.

Yana Fry: What you’re saying is that it becomes the healing journey, actually, and the rehabilitation journey, it becomes a lifelong journey.

Bruce: Some people might not like it or may not agree, but you know what? It’s not my problem they don’t agree. As a drug addict, as a hardcore drug addict, I can tell you… My battle is still my last breath. Sure.

Yana Fry: What was the toughest part? So when you actually wanted, when you had this situation with your daughter, and you realise that you want to have your life back, and you want to be the father that your daughter wants you to be. What was a difficult moment for you in rebuilding that?

Bruce: I’ll be very honest, there wasn’t any difficulty for me. I had fears, yes. So my fear was, after so long of not being able to be my daughter, every month, she only sees me for 20 minutes.

One month. So if you talk about four years, that’s… How much time did we spend together? So my fear was that once I went out, she’d be estranged from me. She will not be close to me.

On the day I went for my prison program and they came to visit me, I told Liana, that all it took her was 15 minutes, about 10, 15 minutes of checking me out, and then it was boom, we were playing like I’ve never left her side before, right? I tell you honestly, compared to other people, I’m very blessed. I am very blessed. Because I face fewer problems than other people do.

Yana Fry: So you are standing for the cause that you believe in and you want to speak about it as course and support other people. So how is your relationship with your daughter?

Bruce: Right now? I think, compared to the day I came out, of course it’s a lot better. We are a teen right now, she’s fourteen, alright, at the end of the day, she’s a very good girl. I’m very happy with her.

She’s someone that you don’t need to push, in terms of her studies and all that, she’s self motivated, so I’m very happy.

Yana Fry: Okay, and so here you are as someone who has been on this journey and made a decision to rebuild what you actually wanna have, and you have been creating that.

I’m going to ask a question that might not be very comfortable to answer, and I think we touched on it earlier, but I just find, particularly in a story like yours, what about self-forgiveness? Where do you stand with that?

Self-forgiveness for an ex-addict

Bruce: Fifty fifty.

Yana Fry: So how has been that journey? There is no human being who has never made any mistakes.

So people always have regrets. And I think if you’re probably about 30 or 40 years old, you would have some kind of regret in your life. And it also has to do with how we’re dealing with that. So how Do we actually forgive ourselves first?

Bruce: So I’m a Christian. So as a believer of God we are taught, if God can forgive us, then we should learn to forgive ourselves, but we all know things are easier said than done, right?

When the deed is what we committed and the people we hurt are the people who love us and the people we love.

Some, like my mother for example, My mom is a very strong woman, and she dedicated her life to raising me up. Without her, I would not be here. And she has always put me before her. All the time. And she said before, she said, I’m a very proud woman, I don’t take charity, I don’t ask anything from people.

So whenever I go, I can lift my head up high and I walk. Alright. But the only thing I cannot do to lift up my head is because of you. Again, brings me so much sadness, and so much shame.

So for most of my life, this was what I did to her. Alright? Until when I came out in 2016, I guess by the time I had decided to change, I wanted to put my life out in the public. I didn’t just make the decision myself, because understood that by doing so, my family was affected

Yana Fry: Of course, it’s your entire family.

Bruce: So I had to ask their permission if they were comfortable with it. The first person I asked, of course, was my mother. And she’s always very supportive of me. So I explained to her, I said, Mum, this is what I want to do.

How? Even before I could finish the sentence, she said the usual thing. Go what you need, go do what you need to worry about us, we’ll take care of ourselves. You need to do it, just do it. Alright? Just always said this, always. 

Yana Fry: So she was your rock and your biggest. Yeah, that was the guiding light that was holding you and gave you the strength to prove my point.

Bruce: I just lost two months ago.

Yana Fry: I’m very sorry about that.

Bruce: So this time that I was, I came out, my hope was that I, by becoming a better person and, getting a job, Getting a job, earning income. I couldn’t give my mother what I couldn’t give her before, so I brought her out more often. Enjoy her company. Yeah, And, basically just being a normal son.

Yana Fry: To make up for the time, right?

Bruce: So I’m glad that I could do it for seven years. Before she passed on, so that’s the only consolation I have.

Yana Fry: Another part for the self-forgiveness to work on. So your story is just very dramatic, in so many ways. And I can only imagine probably even for our audience, someone who is watching or listening right now, some people might be in tears, some people might be in shock, some people might have concerned emotions they can’t explain, some people might feel empathy, there is the whole variety of feelings that your story actually triggers in people because it is a very deeply moving story and I just want to also acknowledge your bravery again and your courage to the commitment of your cause.

The work that you do right now, supporting people. who are just at the beginning of the journey, who have just been released and they want actually to rebuild their life in a society. So when you say, or I like to read about you, that you are a mentor to them, what does it actually mean? What kind of work is that?

Being a friend to other people in similar situation

Bruce: Okay. Don’t don’t let the name fool you.

Yana Fry: Okay, not a mentor, a friend,

Bruce: Because it throws people off. Exactly. People start thinking if you go, do you need to go through a lengthy course, to become a mentor?

The answer is no. All you need to do is have the heart to be a friend. That’s it. That’s all you need, right? It’s nothing special, nothing big, nothing great. All it requires is a commitment to be a friend. That is it. it’s that simple, yet it is one of the most difficult things you can draw from a person, it’s commitment and time. Yeah.

Yana Fry: Now, if we would just look at the people I will ask you to share your thoughts and a bit of messages for different groups of people. So let’s say there are people who may be where you have been 10, 15 years ago, who are just still in the middle, perhaps of drug abuse and crime, maybe in prison and that.

not seem to have any light at the end of their tunnel or don’t maybe even want to break out from that circle. So what would you say to them?

Bruce: I would tell them that they have to decide right now what they want. Because time is not going to wait for anyone. Okay, you’re in the middle of your life. If you don’t stop now, by the time you wake up, it’ll be too late.

There’s going to be no more life for you. Taking drugs, having to hide every day, having to find the money to score drugs, that is not life, okay? Life, even for myself, I’m 54. But one thing, Yenna, I consider myself only

Only seven years. That’s all I, That’s all I’ve experienced. Seven years of normal life. The rest, you call that life? No. You might think it is life, because that’s the drugs talking, that’s the addiction talking. But if you can, for one moment, just put that aside and you think. Think. What do you really want? You, is this the life you want? And I told Liyana, ten out of ten times, I said no.

Yana Fry: Of course. Every human being fundamentally wants to be happy, healthy, loved and loved. It’s a fundamental human need. What about the families, right? Families of their friends message for the families where there are maybe difficult sons and daughters, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. And the family struggles.

They don’t know what to do.

Bruce: I know it’s difficult. You look at your loved one in the throes of addiction, You suffer the things that they do. They steal, they lie, and they cheat, just to get money from you to support their addiction. They hurt you time and time again. They hurt you time and time again. Okay but if not you, then who? It’s gonna love them, it’s gonna give them hope.

Yana Fry: The final question for today is, if you were to say something to that 12-year-old boy who would at this turning point for that decision, what would you say?

Bruce: Remember the cat. The curiosity, and how the cat died. So don’t be too curious about drugs, about things. Be wise and… what you’re curious about. Because there are some lines in life that you cross. Once you cross, there’s no turning back.

Yana Fry: Thank you so much, Bruce, for today in the studio and for sharing your story. so open-heartedly again. I said it and I’m going to repeat it again. It requires a lot of courage, strength, and bravery. So thank you for doing that. Thank you. And I just hope that this story is an inspiration to people to reflect on their life.

It’s also one of those examples for all of us that there’s always room for self-forgiveness and there’s always room to feel empathy towards other people. We never actually know the circumstances what really happened and why they’re going through what they are going through.

like I have seen quite a few that you have been doing online. How does it feel when you come for an interview like this? Is it like every time I almost feel like you have to open your heart every single time? And you do it on camera and publicly. It’s like sitting naked in front of people.

Bruce: Like I said I’ve made it my mission.

Yana Fry: So you don’t mind the suffering of it?

Bruce: It’s not easy, I know, goes over and over again Especially I mean they’re good days and there are bad days. Bad days. Oh, it can be bad But I say it is. 

Yana Fry: What is it today? A good day?

Bruce: Today is okay. There are days that are very bad.

But ultimately, like I said, it’s not about me. Okay? I, it’s better that I hurt. I share, I hurt, and this sharing helps people

Yana Fry: Thank you for doing that.