YT30 | How to embrace rejections – strategies for resilience and growth w/ Jit Puru

Meet Jit Puru. Jit is an accomplished author and professional speaker who has been helping people with self-development, motivation, and personal growth since 2014.

In this episode, we discuss why it’s important to talk about rejection and how it affects our lives. From everyday encounters like missing out on a favorite drink to more significant rejections in personal and professional realms, Jit offers valuable insights on how to manage rejection gracefully. 

Whether it’s accepting the present outcome, learning from rejections, or maintaining a positive mindset, Jit shares practical tips for navigating through life’s inevitable rejections. Tune in now!

Discussion Topics: How to embrace rejections – strategies for resilience and growth

• Introducing our guest, Jit Puru
• Why is it so important to talk about rejection?
• How do people perceive and react to different types of rejection?
• Why is it important to accept rejection and its role in shaping our outlook
• Strategies for gracefully dealing with rejection in personal and professional life
• Cultural perspectives on dealing with rejection, focusing on Asian culture
• The role of social media in dealing with rejection and its potential pitfalls
• Jit introduces his upcoming book on coping with rejection in sales
• Tips for salespeople and individuals on handling rejection effectively
• Wrapping up

Transcript: How to embrace rejections – strategies for resilience and growth

Yana: Hi, I’m Yana and you’re watching YanaTV. Today in the studio with us we have Jit Puru who is an author of a self help book, You Deserve Happiness, a professional speaker and a founder of ideas and inspirations. Jit, thank you so much for joining us

Jit Puru: Thank you so much for having me here today, Yana. It’s an, it’s a pleasure.

Yana: I love the topic that we’re going to talk about, which audience doesn’t know yet, so I’m going to just announce it. We’re going to talk about rejection. Jit! Let’s explain the people who are watching us. Why do we feel it is important to talk about rejections?

Jit Puru: We face rejections on a daily basis. Whether we like it or not, rejections is part and parcel of life. The only difference is what kind of rejections are we experiencing and the sensitivity that we have towards that form rejection. Say for example, we go to a Starbucks, and today I really feel like having an oat milk chocolate frappuccino and I reach to the counter and I order it and then the barista tells me that, oh, we’re out of oat milk for

Yana: I would be heartbroken, but right?

Jit Puru: But I would go okay, you know what? I really wanted it. Why is it not the end of the world? It’s just oat milk. So flush it off really quick, but let’s just see right now. There’s someone that I really like, and I want to get to know that person. I build up that courage. I go to that person. And I’m like, Hey, you know what? Can I take you out for dinner? And that person says no. Now, suddenly,

Yana: it’s not only about Frappuccino.

Jit Puru: it is, now it’s wow, there’s this level of expectations of how the outcome would have turned out, maybe if already built like, castles in the clouds and dreams and all that, and it all just comes crushing down, suddenly the sensitivity towards that rejection, it’s much higher than just a frappuccino, so end of the day we face rejections on a daily basis. Some we know how to manage fairly well. Some we don’t. the reality is how we manage rejections is the same across the board. And once we learn how to manage rejections as a whole we will feel a lot freer in life. Because rejections, end of the day, rejections is both an act and an emotion, right?

The person who rejects, an idea or proposal that we are putting forth. That person is exercising their right to say no to something that doesn’t fit with them. And that’s a right that they can exercise. But when receiving a rejection, the person who is on the receiving end, they experience the emotion of being rejected.

And as human beings, we are all driven by emotions because we are emotional beings. Emotions affect our thoughts, our language, our actions, and our behaviors, and our outcomes, alright? And when we are experiencing rejection can trigger a lot of other emotions. Emotions such as doubt, uncertainty, I feel dejected, I feel I’m not worthy, what’s wrong with me? All that comes about, and when we leave that unmanaged, over time, it intensifies and it changes our entire outlook of

Yana: I do wonder what is then a more graceful way to deal with rejections because it is something that is part of life, you said, and we have it, in our personal life, we have it in business life, we have it in social life, online, yes. Everywhere, right? So pretty much anything you do, you have to learn how to deal with rejection. So how do we deal with rejections?

Jit Puru: You’re absolutely right, Yana. These actions are everywhere, in business life. For example you put your heart and soul into Trying to get a particular deal and the deal falls through and the client goes with someone else You know I’ve experienced this many times before where I put my heart and soul trying to pitch myself to speak at a particular event and then I don’t get the gig and someone else gets the gig, you know for whatever reasons it may be I feel very rejected I feel like I’ve been rejected it could be relationships, it could be your partner says no to a marriage proposal or the person that you like says no. And it could be that it could also be just life in general. You apply for a job. And you don’t get it. You don’t get the promotion that you like. So there are many different ways how we can face rejections

Yana: fired from the you feel you tried really hard, and then the boss fires

Jit Puru: Absolutely, right? And in this day and age, it can happen so easily because companies are moving towards optimization, cost reduction.

Yana: AI, stepping on our feet you go.

Jit Puru: And it may not be a reflection of your performance or who you are as a person. But very often, that’s the first thing that we happens when we

Yana: this actually a very interesting point often, most of people take rejections very personally because then it feels like I am rejected. Maybe not my skill, not the job. If you are like an on talent agency, maybe not the way how you look, right? people actually take it very personally because it’s identification that I am whatever. And then this whatever gets rejected. And this is very painful.

Jit Puru: Absolutely, because it’s our identity. It’s our soul. Who we are is who we feel is being rejected, but it may not be the case at all, right? Someone says no to an idea or proposal that we are putting

Yana: tomorrow

Jit Puru: this particular moment,

Yana: it’s going to be different.

Jit Puru: Absolutely. So if you ask me coming back to the earlier question, how do we deal with rejections? What can we do to deal with rejections? First and foremost, we have to accept rejection for what it is, right? We need to learn how to practice accepting rejection. Accepting does not mean we are resigning. It’s we are not accepting the present for the future, but we are accepting the present outcome for what it is.

Because the truth is we cannot change the present outcome. What we can do is take action towards changing the future. But what’s happened in the present has happened in the present. And we have to accept the rejection for whatever that it is alright? And we can’t get caught in this scenario, or this cycle, where we’re looking at the past like, Oh man, what if I didn’t do this?

What if I said that? Because if we look at life life is a timeline. There’s the past, present, future. The past is what has already happened. The present is right now, where we are breathing. And the future is what is to come.

Physically, you can only be where you are breathing, which is in the present. But mentally, we can live in the past, we can live in the present, we can live in the future. And the disconnect comes from most of us, spend more time in the past thinking of what could have been done better, or we are spending time in the future thinking of what could come.

But we spend very little time in the present and accepting the present for what it is. And when we can learn how to do that, when we can learn how to Be in the present, because the present is an eternal now. It’s a perpetual moment.

So when we can accept the present for what it is, with the understanding that we cannot change the present, good, bad, ugly, we have to accept it, and rejection is often looked at as something very disheartening. Something very bad, something very ugly, but if we can learn to accept it, that, hey, it’s happened, right?

There’s nothing we can do about it in the moment, but we have now options to shape the future, right? Then I can decide and choose. And react to that. Exactly.

Yana: We are in Singapore. So I’m just curious if we look at everything from maybe even more focused. Asian perspective, because also I find around the world people deal with rejections in a different way What do you feel in your experience, let’s say in this part world how people are dealing with rejections?

Jit Puru: I think, one thing about being in this part of the world a lot of us are not very open with ourselves we tend to keep it all inside. We tend to suppress it. It could be upbringing. Whenever there’s a measure of vulnerability being shown, everyone just says, Hey, you know what? Just come on, man. It’s nothing. Just buck up, so we don’t get into this habit wearing our heart on our sleeves and being vulnerable, and because of that, everything is suppressed.

It’s a suppression of emotions, but think about a bottle of Coke, right? And you throw a Mentos in and you cover it, you cap it really tight, what’s going to happen? Pressure is going build up and eventually it’s going explode. We are just like that. If we keep suppressing how we feel, our emotions, right? Eventually it’s going to explode. So this is where I think we need an outlet. A lot of times in the West, people are more vocal with how they are more verbal with how they feel.

Yana: They want to talk about it.

Jit Puru: They want to share about it. You go to TikTok these days and you will see so many videos, people just sharing about everything that’s going on in their life. But this is an outlet, right? And what happens is when you let out what’s bugging you inside, it will now present you with an opportunity to heal from within some people don’t take that opportunity to heal. They just use the outlet as a validation for their life and that becomes habitual. Now it’s just about venting, but there’s no learning that comes out of it. So I think first and foremost having that outlet helps.

And for us, being in a part of the world that let’s just say, if you are not very accustomed to talking about your feelings, right? My advice would be start writing about your feelings because you’re writing it for yourself. It’s a form of journaling where every time, let’s just say you, you are feeling a sense of rejection, even from the smallest rejection where you feel it’s not a big deal.

Like for example, no, no oat milk Frappuccino at Starbucks, right? This is practicing rejection, meaning you can write it down. Hey ordered a oatmeal frappuccino today. They ran out of milk. And I accept that this has happened. What can I learn from this? Then maybe extract some learning lessons.

Of course, if you have a positive support system around you, people that you can really talk to, that’s the next best thing as well. So it’s getting into the habit of accepting the present for what it is. Accepting doesn’t mean resignation, doesn’t mean you tolerate, a toxic relationship. Let’s just say that you tolerate a dysfunctional,

Yana: healthy boundaries about

Jit Puru: Yes, it’s a good thing. Because that’s the other thing I think with a lot of people. We feel that to accept means to tolerate, but we also have to understand that we are not accepting the behaviors and actions of another person because that’s about them.

We are accepting how we feel, how we think, and how we are acting and how we want to act. In other words, we’re accepting me and we’re accepting this outcome for what it is. And then it’s about making the choice for what’s next. What do I do next? What are my next actions? towards something better. So say for example Dream job.

Really wanted it. Applied it. Put your heart and soul for the interview. Prepared over and over again. Went for the interview. In your mind, you thought it went really well. Couple of weeks later, you don’t hear from the recruiter. You call up and they say they went with someone else. It’s heartbreaking. is. It is, right? So how do you move on from that?

See, you can talk about it, you can write it, but the most important is, hey, accepting the fact that this has happened, and it may not have been about how I performed. Someone else could have really been a better fit, maybe they just couldn’t afford me, and because of that, they didn’t want to hire me.

I can’t change what has already happened. Right now, I think about what am I going to do next. Okay? What can I learn from this interview? What are some key learning lessons I can extract from this experience? Because the past gives us that. Opportunities to learn. But we have to really look into it objectively. What can I learn and what positive takeaways can I take out of it?

So meaning okay, so maybe here are some of the things I could have answered a little differently. It’s a learning process so that you can prep yourself for the next interview. But if you continue crying over spilled milk, you’re not even going to prep yourself for the next interview.

So in that essence, it’s about moving forward, understanding the now is perpetual, and I want to learn from the past. I want to be in the present so that I can take the actions to shape the

Yana: You also spoke about social media. I’m just curious to ask, what do you think? Since you did give an example that a lot of people go on all kinds of media and share very personally. very publicly. Probably more in the Western culture than the Eastern culture. However, what do you think about it?

Jit Puru: social And as with any tool in this world, it can be used for positive or it can be used for negative. It can bring about positive outcomes, it can bring about negative outcomes. It comes back to how are we using it? Are we exercising the right approach? Are we being responsible with what we’re doing? Because the reality is social media is a great way to build a community and connect with like minded people.

And at the same time, it’s a great outlet, right? For example, if I’m going through a hard time in okay, and I’m sharing about my hard time, through social media, I may now not only attract people who could be in the same boat as I am, but people who have overcome that hurdle and have experience may also reach out with a positive support system.

which can help me move forward. And eventually, I could also look at it as, you know what, how I can help other people who are in the same boat. So I think that why are we doing it matters, alright? At the very least, it’s an outlet, okay? But when it becomes a habit, an unconscious habit where I keep unconsciously I’m looking for bad things to happen so that I can talk about it in social media because The other thing that happens on social media is you get the attention.

And remember what we talked about, right? Rejection is when someone dismisses an idea. The opposite of rejection is acceptance. And when you’re getting that acceptance. tension through social media, you are getting accepted. You’re feeling accepted. The danger is when you fall in love with this attention, when you fall in love with this acceptance, now unconsciously a self destruct cycle may happen because you constantly look for pain.

So that you can feel validated, you get their attention. So this is where I think we must know why we’re doing it. Be very clear that, Hey, you know what? This is my outlet. This is my community. This is my support system. The reason why I’m sharing is so that first of all, I don’t feel alone. Next, someone else who’s going through what I’m going through doesn’t feel alone.

So we can now provide the support system for each other to lift each other up in this journey. All right. Third, it could be to get help from someone else who may have been in our situation for them to come on board and, show us how to do it. So as long as I think we are clear about why we’re doing something, I think it’s a

Yana: great I love that.

I love it, Jay. I love it. You’re writing a book. So I’m just very curious also to ask you a few questions about it because it is directly or indirectly the book is about It but it’s also very specifically it’s rejections for people in sales, right? Because that probably. Type of people that would have to deal with rejections more than any other type. So can you tell us a bit more about the book and perhaps give us a few tips how anyone not only in sales can protest rejections besides what we talked already about?

Jit Puru: I’m writing a new book and it is for salespeople and it’s about how to pick yourselves up from rejection. And that’s simply because rejections, like I said, it’s part and parcel of life, right? And salespeople, in my opinion. Go through the most amount of rejections on a daily Trains the character. Because I’ve been in sales before, right? I still remember when I was part of the outsourced sales and marketing events team. My task was to be part of team and we were out at road shows, at bus interchanges, MRT stations, shopping malls, and we were out there trying to ask people to sign up for free credit cards, right?

I thought I had the recipe for sales success. Because the truth is, I’ve had my people skills I know how to deal with people, I know how to manage people, I have the interpersonal skills, right? I was a real estate agent before, dealing with products that, range in the millions of dollars, apartments, condominiums, and I’ve closed some sales there, high ticket items, so I thought, now I’m doing roadshows and events. I get volumes of people walking towards me, people are abundant. The product is absolutely free. It doesn’t cost people anything to sign up. And the product is a credit card which they can use to, for their everyday spending and get rewarded for it. It’s a no brainer, right? Little did I know that even a free product, it’s hard would say sometimes, especially free products, it’s hard to sell.

Yana: So I was out day, right?

Jit Puru: And all it took for three days, I wanted to quit. That’s all I wanted to do, right? Even though I’ve been used to rejections in real estate. But here, three days, I wanted to quit. The difference was the volumes of rejection I was getting in that three

Yana: overwhelming, right?

Jit Puru: It’s like a little bit. It intensifies by the first day. I’m thinking, man, am I even cut out for this? If no one wants to buy a free product, why would anybody want to buy anything else that I’m selling? So sales, right? The more people you meet in sales.

sales, the higher your opportunities of closing a sale, the higher your probabilities of closing a sale. The more people you meet in sales, the more rejections you’re going to get. And this is the sales rejection paradox. So rejections is part and parcel of sales and salespeople do receive the most number of rejections on a daily basis.

When the rejections get to the point where they can’t manage it anymore, it isn’t the skills to sell that disappear, it is the will to sell. that is why so many people drop out of sales. It’s not because the dream isn’t real. It’s not because they can’t achieve. What they want to achieve through sales, they’ve just lost the will of selling because they are feeling dejected, they’re feeling deflated, they’re feeling demotivated, they’re feeling like they’re not worth anything to anyone.

They doubt their abilities, they doubt their capabilities, they doubt whether, it’s even going to work out. I know all this because I was on that end.

Yana: feel is the best tip

Jit Puru: anyone,

Yana: I’m like, okay, geeky, I know guys take the book.

Jit Puru: I suppose the best tip still goes back to we, we can’t change the present. Rejection is a rejection. It’s accepting that rejections are part and parcel of life. Don’t take it personally, Don’t take it personally.

Yana: That’s probably the same.

Jit Puru: Learn from it, every rejection presents us an opportunity to learn something, to grow from it. To be better for the next attempt, right in sales, right? Sales is very easy. It’s four steps. One, have something to sell.

Two, keep a lookout for the people who may need what you’re selling. Three, tell them about what you’re selling and four, ask them if they want to buy what you’re selling. At the end of these four steps, only one of two things happen, either they say yes or no. Either way, you go back to step one, and you repeat the process.

Which means you are going to get some yeses, you’re going to get a lot of noes, but you still have to go back to step one and repeat the process. Life is pretty much the same way, right? No matter what rejections we get, tomorrow’s a brand new day, the sun’s going to rise again, we are going to go out, we are going to approach life again.

So the question and the choice is this, and it’s a choice. How do we want to approach life? Do we want to approach life feeling dejected? Or do we want to approach life feeling empowered, feeling on top of the world, feeling good? And there are many ways we can do it to reset our emotions, but it has to start with the acceptance that, you know what has happened, but tomorrow is a brand new day, the sun will rise, the skies will clear up. What can I learn from yesterday that will help me today to shape a better tomorrow? And as long as we can do that on a daily basis, practice it, we will feel that measure of and thank you so much.

Yana: Puru on YanaTV. And we did talk about rejection a lot and in details, looking at it from all possible angles. So both Jit and I would love to hear from you guys. How do you deal with rejections? Are there any tips or tools specifically for you which helped? Let’s be generous, share in the comments. I would love to hear from you. And we are very grateful to MUSE studio for hosting Gala TV. Remember to subscribe, share episode with friends, and I’m going to see you next time.

Vulnerable on media. . It’s funny how the algorithm work. You do get more attention than when you talk about when you’re perfectly

Jit Puru: fine.