YT32 | Learn from this 85-year-old woman – how to have a successful and happy marriage, career and life?

How did an ordinary woman become the first Indian woman on Wall Street? In this episode, we explore the fascinating story of Mannie Chidambaram, spanning eight decades of challenges and triumphs. From her humble upbringing in a large family to breaking barriers as one of the first Indian women on Wall Street, Mannie’s resilience shines through. We explore themes of family, love, career, and the enduring bond of marriage as Mannie shares her candid reflections on life’s twists and turns.

Discussion Topics: How to have a successful and happy marriage, career and life

• Mannie’s Early Childhood and Education Struggles: Her upbringing in a large family, the loss of her father and brother, and her determination to pursue education despite financial struggles.
• Marriage and Early Challenges: Mannie’s unconventional marriage to Arun, facing family opposition, financial difficulties, and moving to the USA for better opportunities.
• Career Journey on Wall Street: How she entered Wall Street, overcoming gender and cultural barriers, pursuing further education in finance, and navigating challenges in the workplace.
• Secrets to a Long and Happy Marriage: The importance of mutual respect, understanding, and partnership in maintaining a long and happy marriage.
• Empowerment and Advice for Future Generations: Women’s empowerment, societal changes, and offers advice to future generations on embracing life’s challenges with patience and perseverance.
• Reflections on Happiness: Mannie’s happiest moments, emphasizing the significance of family and personal connections over material success.
• Closing Remarks and Acknowledgment

Transcript: How to have a successful and happy marriage, career and life

Yana Fry: Welcome to another episode of YanaTV. As we approach International Women’s Day, I have a very special guest joining me in the studio today. Many Chidambaram is a woman of many talents who have already lived a very full life. She is 84, turning 85 in a few months. And we will have a conversation about life of a woman, fundamentally. That’s a lot of things has happened. If you just look back and I let me say from the very beginning when you were little girl, I assume that your upbringing was very different that probably you see children right now. So tell us a bit more about your childhood as a girl.

Mannie Chidambaram: I was the last child of the family. How many siblings? My mother had 10, I think I was 11. Her job was to have children. Childhood was nothing special because you come from a large family. You don’t get any preferential treatment. Being a little one, you find your way to move around. two of my sisters were already married and they had children older than me, so I didn’t have interaction with them that much. But my brothers, they were close to me. I will hang around, I will climb the tree, do everything a boy does. Coming back, it was okay, I had all the fun, but I did not know I didn’t have many things as today’s children have. And then I move on to my teenage years. School, nothing but school. Because I thought education is going to take me

Yana Fry: Did you realize it yourself or your parents told you this?

Mannie Chidambaram: No. See, my mother was not educated, but she would say everybody should go to school. Whether we did well or not, she couldn’t assess what we were. My father was very old at the time I was born when he was 65 years old. I respected him, I loved him, but there’s not much closeness.

And then my family started going through hard times. My brother, who was the breadwinner of the house, passed away. He was only 28 years old at that time. And then my father passed away exactly 50 days after my brother’s passing away.

So those two, three years, it was hell. For me, education was important. No matter what happened, I would go to school. There were many days my mother could not provide food for the family, but it didn’t bother me. I went to a school where everything was free. From books, notebooks, tuition, everything was free when I finished my high school, the school, headmistress, here they say principal headmistress. I was only 15 years old.

I could not do anything. So she said, you must go to college. I said, How can I go to college? I don’t even have the means to live day to day. She said, don’t worry. I will give a recommendation to the administrator of the college. I was the best student in class. So that helped to get into the college. It was a very tough life, but still I could continue my education. Mathematics was my major. I did well, and then I went out to my graduate studies. At that time, the family was turning around a little bit. The brother, who is 92 now, he started making money and then taking care of everything. And he asked me to go to another town, which is about 70 kilometres from where I went to school. Then, as I was studying, I met Arun.

Yana Fry: Your husband, right? What age you were?

Mannie Chidambaram: I was twenty, hardly. He was a best friend of my brother in playing and Arun was the smartest kid in college. And he comes from a normal family, not like my family, a normal family. So we were corresponding, writing letters, finding out about each person. But in my mind, I knew it wouldn’t happen. It will not?

Yana Fry: Because the caste was still very strong, right? you’re coming from a different

Mannie Chidambaram: comes from a upper class and he is a little below, okay. So I could not reveal that I want to marry him or start a life. My mother and brothers, may not agree to this arrangement, because number one, my brother was expecting me to be the breadwinner.

Yana Fry: You are the youngest in the family. That’s an interesting expectation.

Mannie Chidambaram: I couldn’t do anything. Then I finished my college. I took up a teaching position far away from where we lived, and then I moved to that town, and I was teaching. And then, Arun wanted to resume the relationship. He visited me a couple of times, and he said, It is time we should get married.

Because his parents were putting pressure on him. He was finishing up his engineering, and in their community, Boys get married very young, girls get married very young, so he was an exception. They were putting pressure on him. And also, money. When the son gets married, there will be a lot of money coming into family.

Yana Fry: pay for the girl, right? The

Mannie Chidambaram: the door, right? Yeah, but had nothing. I had nothing. We went against everybody’s wishes, and we went one fine morning we were living close to Chennai. In those days it was called Madras. We went to the registrar’s office, and we got registered. That is the marriage I had.

Yana Fry: So there was no big celebration, right? It was almost like a what celebration?

Mannie Chidambaram: It’s the registrar in front of me and two of the witnesses, and that’s about it. And then Both families came to know of this, and they were up in arms the major role the older brother played was, that he wanted me to divorce him. I’m hardly twenty-two going on twenty-three, and he is twenty-three going on twenty-four. They said he should divorce me, and they should get him married to another girl of their choice, and he said nothing to him. He stood by me. I am grateful. Or else, you could not have seen your husband.

Yana Fry: Those who don’t, I wanted to reveal at the end of the video, Meni is my mom in law, so lucky me.

Mannie Chidambaram: Anyway, he came out of all the hardships, and then Ravi was born. Even at that time, we both were working, but we did not have enough money to live the way we live today. Then we thought, nobody likes us in India, why can’t we go to the USA? Because opportunities are there, and our child will grow to be a better person.

Yana Fry: family also, there is less conflict, within the two that didn’t like each

Mannie Chidambaram: think my side of the family came around, that is, especially my mom, even though she was not educated, she had a lot of common sense. And she respected Arun, she said he will take care of me, and that was okay. And then Ravi was five year old, we moved to the USA.

We were struggling, but we were happily struggling. And Ravi had everything he wanted, and he went to a normal school, and we always told him, you don’t have to do any work, you have to study well. That’s all we expected of him, which he did rest is history, the other side.

Yana Fry: When you went to the U.S. the very important part, which you hardly haven’t said, so that’s why I want to ask, you actually became very successful on Wall Street and you probably were the only Indian woman at that time.

Mannie Chidambaram: That is correct, because the way I ended up in Wall Street, I did not know Wall Street, because I’m coming from India, I am a mathematics grad, and I don’t know anything about finance but I wanted to get some more money working for a living. So Arun came up with this little, in those days, in the newspaper, you can see like an ad little ad, commercial ad.

And then he said, this looks interesting. Do you want to try this one? I called somebody and I said you have to come here at such and such time. Manhattan, I was working, below Midtown, but not downtown, that area. So I took a train, and subway, went there, and still I remember the address for that place.

It’s 4 New York Plaza, and nobody knows that address because it is a new building and it is on Broad Street, but this building is 4 New York Plaza and then somehow I found that and I went and I met this gentleman who was the controller of the accounting department. He asked me certain questions I answered, and then he looked at me and he said, if I don’t like your performance, I’ll fire you. I look at him straight in the face and said, if I don’t like this job, I will quit. I have nothing here. And he’s the greatest man. I said, I’ll quit. I don’t have to put up with you. And he was stunned.

Yana Fry: He probably was speechless.

Mannie Chidambaram: being a woman, and that you, not the local woman, she comes from someplace and she challenges me. I said, okay, I’ll hire you. Okay, that’s where my Wall Street. career started. It was a normal reconciliation clerk. All the bank statements I had to take and then do something and figure out where they needed help and the accounting department, I was the only woman.

Yana Fry: The only Indian woman, right?

Mannie Chidambaram: I go to the cafeteria other department people will ask where am I from. I’ll say India. They’ll say, Oh, it is close to Egypt. I said, No, even, you have to go farther than that. Those were the days, but it is fun.

Yana Fry: Yes. Ah, that is another story.

Mannie Chidambaram: This is another story. the early days, if I say vegetarian, nobody will understand. And especially my colleagues survive? I do you survive? I say, look at me. I am the right size. I am not thin or I am not fat. So that means something is good with my food, but they didn’t understand. And one guy very jokingly said, No, Manny. No, that, this company gave me the name Manny everybody is a man. And Charles, Bill, and whatever it is. So my boss, he says, We are going to call you Manny.

Yana Fry: Your full name is Mangalam.

Mannie Chidambaram: Mangalam means good luck. They don’t care. He will say, If I am alone, starving, and there’s nobody else, and you are in front of me, I’ll kill you and then eat you. I say, thank God I am not with you anywhere I said, I’ll kill you. I said, I’ll kill I said, I’ll kill you. I I’ll kill you. I kill you.

So that’s how it was. But being a vegetarian was very tough. This is 1969 Nobody knew vegetarianism. Everybody was into three-meal meat eaters. And that was their life. Then I thought, since I started in accounting, being a mathematics person, I had to improve myself. I told Arun, maybe I should go to school and get a degree in finance, or accounting.

In the U. S. all I did was mathematics. Here, it can put me in a clerical position, but cannot take it farther. Ravi was maybe 6, 7 year old. It was tough. He had a part time babysitter. Arun kept on saying no, in couple of years, I’ll make more money. You stay home and take care of the child. I said no. I have to have a career. I have to. And then. I started going to night school.

Yana Fry: Night school.

Mannie Chidambaram: My first boss, I still remember him. He was very strict. He is from the, Israelite region. his discipline is so much, no matter what you do, you have to finish your day, there is no tomorrow. So I’ll have a test in school, but I have to finish everything, then only I’ll end up going to the school. So went through a lot of hardship, in three years, I got my graduate degree in accounting.

I am a pure science grad, so I had to do that, and then finance, accounting, everything. I look at my current position. I am still doing the same old garbage work. They won’t pay me anything more, because I am a woman, I am a foreigner, okay? And I am pushing to be in my thirties, right?

So I resign and look for a job. Now I have a degree from the USA. two weeks I am home, this current ex boss calls me. He says, Manny, we want you back. I said, you didn’t want to pay me. Why do you want me back? No. It is important.

You come back. I’ll give you some more money. He was not generous or anything, but he gave me some money. that was 1974, and the U. S. was going through a recession, stagflation, you name it. It was a very bad situation for the country, and we both have to work, or else we are in trouble. We have no money. we have to pay mortgage also. In two years, we moved into our own place. life was a struggle, but I never thought it was a struggle, it was challenge. Take the challenge. And people would make fun of me saying your name is too long. I said, fine, someday when I become your boss, you will know how to say my name.

Yana Fry: The last name, right? Chidambaram, yeah. Hard to pronounce if they don’t know.

Mannie Chidambaram: because for them, Foreigners are foreigners. I will not take their criticism on par value. I’ll give it back to them. Then, I changed job couple of times until I landed on the current job which will pay me well and give me a title and I’ll have my own department to run. And that is where my Wall Street career started. It was a struggle all the way, however, And with all these things, I can be Who I am today, it’s because of Arun. His support was tremendous. For every woman, there is a husband behind, or vice versa. If you both don’t work together, then nothing can succeed. I am married 62 years.

Yana Fry: years of marriage. In the modern world, it sounds almost impossible. With the divorce rate.

Mannie Chidambaram: the word divorce never occurs to you if you are very busy and focus on what you are doing. What you are doing is for the family it was not for you. Even today, I don’t have a separate bank account. Everything I made or everything Arun made, it’s in only one account. We manage that way. We never fight over money. That is the evil of all. Okay? We fight.

Yana Fry: But not over money.

Mannie Chidambaram: We have a lot of different opinions. As you grow older, you think differently. That’s fine, but not over money.

Yana Fry: What do you feel is the secret to stay married, for such a long time?

Mannie Chidambaram: That is because you accept your partner for what he is or she is. Don’t expect a lot out of them. They are human beings. They can be, chief of the corporation, or running a country, but still, he or she is a human being. And if you take that philosophy, you cannot go wrong. But today’s younger generation, they are very restless want everything now. If it doesn’t take place, they walk out. And then they think. Marriage is a partnership, and I think marriage is a bonding. Partnership is, a business partner. You can go away, he can go away. But bonding, somehow you have to be there.

Yana Fry: You like, you find this connection and you nurture this right day after day. Yeah.

Mannie Chidambaram: You see, you can sit in the same room, not talking to each other, But I know what Arun is thinking at that it’s a feeling you develop. But I may be very old fashioned when it comes to marriage, but this is my philosophy.

Yana Fry: have the desire to get ahead and have a career.

Mannie Chidambaram: they have the desire to get ahead have a career those are the same traits I had I rebelled against many things and you don’t have to it’s given to you now you personality However the restlessness leads to a lot of unhappiness, whether you are single, whether you are married, the unhappiness comes from that.

Yana Fry: Very interesting. I do feel, especially I think ever since, internet of course came in much later in your life and in social media, probably not at all.

Mannie Chidambaram: Social media is another story.

Yana Fry: So, which all of that, it does make people, what you said, more restless and Looking for the instant gratification and attention spam becomes much shorter. Look, even here with the videos, right? We try to keep them as much as we can around 25 minutes just because we understand attention spam of the audience.

Mannie Chidambaram: time is of essence to everybody. But the restlessness is out of that. It’s, you are born and you are expected. So many things, and then the pressure gets to you. And the pressure builds up today’s generation, and they think, Oh, this is the right way. They don’t even stop and think. So

Yana Fry: but you feel it’s important to pause.

Mannie Chidambaram: See, you believe in Buddhist teachings.

Yana Fry: Including Hindu, yes.

Mannie Chidambaram: Always there is a way to negotiate. Nothing is, improbable. You can do it, but negotiate.

Yana Fry: What do you feel is the secret to a genuinely happy life, especially for a woman?

Mannie Chidambaram: woman. Today’s woman is Entrenched with more power. Today I would say, we even go to the other level. We suppress men. It’s not required. We can be and we can still do many things.

Yana Fry: And so with all this power, I feel that women have these days. Do you think they happier than maybe your generation or not? Does it really bring happiness?

Mannie Chidambaram: See, my thought on that, women’s empowerment still has to go a long way. For example, the United States, all these years, we never had a president. There are so many talented women. They cannot have that position because they are women. That will change. Is it in my lifetime? Maybe not. But it will happen. You have to work at it.

Yana Fry: If you were to look at little girls right now, those who are just growing up, maybe five, six, seven years old, right? The younger generation, about to be born ones. What advice would you like to give to them?

Mannie Chidambaram: No, they have to accept life for what it is, not that you know you have to go to a corner and say this is my life, I’ll spend the rest of it. You can work at it, but you do not have to push for it. It will come to you if you work at it.

Yana Fry: And maybe the final question for today when you look at your own life what do you feel was the happiest moment?

Mannie Chidambaram: The happiest moment? Having my child, Getting married to Arun, that’s the first thing. Having my child I still consider him as my child, even though he’s a grown up man. Those are the happiest moments. Materialistically, I’m not inclined. he may be successful, he may not be, but he is my child. I want him to be happy.

Yana Fry: Many. Thank you so much for joining us today and just very so open and especially like open hearted about your journey.

Like I even learned a lot after knowing you for so many years, and I’m sure that our audience will also benefit from your story, especially to be having it around International Women’s Day.

So that was Meni Chidambaram on YanaTV, as you probably figured out already through the conversation. She is my mom in law, which is a very interesting twist. I think she is the first family member I actually invited. On YanaTV, and I felt it is very important that she shares her story as a woman who has lived such a full and very interesting life and very rebellious, very strong.

Stands up for her interests. And when I talk with her, I always learn a lot as a woman. So I just wanted to bring her to you guys. And girls so that we can all learn from our older generation, our parents, our grandparents, our ancestors. I do find it is very important. And thank you for tuning in today. We love being at Mew Studio who is supporting Canada TV.

And for those of you who would like to support us even more, YouTube channel, share this episode with friends and have the most incredible International Women’s Day.

Mannie Chidambaram: So you are going to have an International Women’s Day celebration?

Yana Fry: I I guess in the studio we will, but the most important that we are releasing it around the International Women’s Day.