YT35 | Back to work tips for moms – how to return to work after maternity leave

We are continuing stories of women this month. What is it like to jump back into the workforce after taking a break for motherhood?

Meet Niloufer Jamal. Born in Chennai and having lived across the globe as an expat in Dubai and Singapore, Niloufer shares her personal journey of resilience, adaptation, and re-discovery of her professional self post-motherhood. With a decade at Lufthansa German Airlines, Niloufer Jamal transitioned from the aviation industry to her current role at Change Et Al., an award-winning boutique consulting firm, as Director of Growth, Alliance & Partnerships. 

From tackling the emotional hurdles of starting afresh in a new country to finding her footing in the professional world amidst a pandemic, Niloufer’s story is a beacon of inspiration for mothers looking to reclaim their career paths. Join us as we dive into the strategies, support systems, and mindset shifts that can empower returning mothers to thrive in their careers!

Discussion Topics: Back to work tips for moms

• What’s it like to return to work after motherhood?An introduction to Niloufer and discussing her pivotal journey of returning to work post-motherhood.
• How can early life shape your resilience? Discover Niloufer’s upbringing in Chennai, her education, and the early days of her career that built her resilience.
• The challenges that await when you become an expat mom – Niloufer shares her transition to Dubai, the initial hurdles, and her experiences as a new expat mother.
• Navigating motherhood solo: How does a trailing spouse cope? Explore Niloufer’s life in Dubai, tackling the challenges of being a quasi-single mom due to her husband’s frequent travels.
• Moving across the world: A new beginning or more of the same? Niloufer discusses her family’s move to Singapore, the adaptation process, and how it compared to their life in Dubai.
• Making the hard choice to return to work after kids – Niloufer talks about the pivotal decision to re-enter the workforce after her third child and the influences behind this choice.
• Reintegrating into the workforce: What are the real challenges? Gain insights from the practical and emotional hurdles Niloufer faced when returning to work and how she overcame them.
• Seeking to return to work? Where do you start? Niloufer provides actionable advice for mothers looking to navigate their return to the workforce, emphasizing the power of networks and resilience.
• Wrapping up

Transcript: Back to work tips for moms

Yana: How do you deal with the emotional and mental difficulties of coming back to work

Niloufer: Your self confidence is at the lowest. You feel that a lot of other people are better than you they’re more capable.I think a lot of those skeletons are in your mind and it’s for us to overcome that. There’s no harm in asking questions No question is silly You should just be brave to ask what you don’t know

Yana: Hi, I’m Yana and you’re watching YanaTV. Today in our studio we have Niloufer Jamal and we are going to talk about mom returning to work. The topic I find is so important because there are so women who actually would love to return to workplace after motherhood, and I would love to hear your story about this. So maybe we begin by where you were born.

Niloufer: Yes. So my beginnings were in the south of India. I was born in Chennai and my parents were in the tea garden. So we were whisked off to boarding school at a very young age. I’ve been in Lawrence School, Lovedale from the age of four. And I think a lot of the resilience that you see in me is because of my early years in the boarding school. After that, we moved to the city, which was Bangalore. I got married there. We started a family. I was working with a company called Lufthansa. The airline 

Uh, we kind of had the world to explore because we were traveling. And it was a wonderful career. Started as a management trainee and then 10 years just whizzed by. And then, um, my husband decided to take a job in Dubai. And then things kind of changed quite drastically, I would say.moving home, relocating, leaving your loved ones behind, uh, finding, um, a home in the new place, making that, uh, you know, your new place a home.

Yana: I’m sure many women can relate because just especially in this part of the world in Asia Pacific there are a lot of expat families. And statistically it would usually be men who gets the job and then women would become a trailing spouse Not always but statistically And so there are a lot of women in the same situation you went through

Niloufer: Yes. And I think all the women who have at some point been an expat would understand that there is a lot of Eagerness and adventure that goes with being an expat. But at the same time there is a lot of emotional um derailment you know because you miss your family, you leave your loved ones behind, you miss um you know special occasions, You leave your safety or support network and then you’re kind of starting afresh. And You know you have to carve a niche for yourself when you go into a new country. People don’t know you. You’re starting to make friends. Uh you know you don’t have the work that you used to have. So it’s a total different environment. And as much as um there’s a lot of learning as well And you know adventure that comes along with it It’s a lot of adaptability as well. And I think you have to really be resilient as you know uh being an expat because there’s so many challenges Uh you’ve got to look at the bright side of things a couple of times you know when the move happens. But yeah you survive.

Yana: How was your life in Dubai

Niloufer: Dubai was glorious. at that time when I moved I had my older son who was just a little over a year old. So a handful. Uh exploring Dubai was easy because language wasn’t a problem. Um uh very similar to India not too far from home. Um uh The weather and you know those kind of things were things that we need to get used to. Um making friendships were easy because Dubai already has a big expat population. Um and I think really for me um Dubai was an easy settle you know to settle into. Um however Some challenges that I faced was my husband was traveling a lot. So you kind of feel like a single mom kind of managing everything, juggling you know between home, the kids, when they’re sick. So those challenges are hard to kind of cope by yourself. And I think at that point your support network really becomes your friend. So it takes time to make them but you lean on them a lot because they really become your family.

Yana: What was the biggest challenge you feel from your time in Dubai being in this situation an expat wife

Niloufer: switching from being a career being in a job to having no job or rather choosing not to work because I was a trailing spouse at that time. And um uh apart from that I think for me the challenge really was adapting to the new city. I think all the expats who have moved countries would understand that it takes at least six to eight months. You need to be patient. You need to be resilient. You need to take up the challenges. And it’s not just always grim. There are a lot of positives as well. You kind of um have a lot of lot to explore. You kind of come across many people with different cultures. it’s a mixed bag but there We’ve had a wonderful five years in Dubai and then we moved to Singapore.

Yana: Why did you move to Singapore?

Niloufer: Uh well that’s again following my husband right. Uh in fact uh when I moved to Dubai um I just had the first baby, and at that time I thought, okay, now that I don’t have work let me focus on my family. And I had my second son. And at that point I thought okay once they started going to nursery, I had a little bit more freedom and I thought okay let me just get uh to Look out for another job opportunity and then the move to do to Singapore happened and then we moved to Singapore and It’s all over again right. You’re settling in, packing up boxes, unpacking boxes. And this time I had three children all under five moving home. 

Yana: A traveling husband.

Niloufer: And a traveling husband. But Singapore and Dubai are very common and you know they have a lot of similarities From my home country of three and a half hours a flight away. So that was one. Whether, there’s really no extreme weather conditions in both both have a fairly large expat population, They have a great schools variety of um entertainment uh variety of things to explore in the city So there are a lot of similar similarities between both But I think for us the main grounding factor was that it’s a little bit more grounded when compared to Dubai 

I felt that having kids under the age of five I thought they should be brought up in an environment that is a little bit more grounded uh you know not very flashy and they kind of have dream of the Ferraris and you know that’s the life

Yana: even though there are plenty of Ferraris in Singapore and Lamborghinis and everything else

Niloufer: Yes they’re very similar That’s what I said A bubble in both cities yes But Singapore has been wonderful to us and when you move you don’t think of the years but they just pass you by And it’s been 12 years since we’ve been here.

Yana: And after you had your three children then at some point you decided that you want to go back to work. Right And so kind of the topic of our conversation today

because it’s not easy in so many ways However we probably could say that out of all countries like listen I want to hear your opinion on and just your own experience Like I find probably for working mom to do it in Singapore it’s definitely much easier than maybe let’s say to do it I don’t know in Europe or in America or in Australia maybe in India I don’t know Just because there is much more support here Like how do you feel about it.

Niloufer: you’re absolutely right when you say that it’s a lot more easy to transition back into work only because you have the support You have domestic help available You have great schools The kids are in school pretty much most of the day It’s smaller in the sense of you know travel is not too large safer Kids can take the public transport So I think there is a lot of ease kind of giving them the liberty as well even at a young age to get that independence to travel and for you to also focus on career or put your foot back in And that’s what happened to me.

And I think for me um I stumbled back into the workforce thinking that I should look at a job when my kids were a little bit older And I thought Oh you know I have the freedom back They come back from school after the activities by four So pretty much have the whole day to myself So why not look at um going back into work and then COVID hit and uh there was Of you know my house was buzzing because the kids were working from you know online school husband was back home no travel And I was like I can’t get a job or even look for one in this situation How am I going to cope You know And then you know we thought Covid would go away in two or three months. 

And then we realized that it was going to stay and I think some Um you know experiences of having covid was positive for me only because uh you know with a small number of people we could meet we actually interacted with our guests And I remember one of our friends very dear friends had a family over and we were at their home for dinner and we were just talking you know pleasantries and you know exchanging introductions And then I said Oh you know I’m also looking for a job And we got chatting on that And I feel like One piece of conversation led to another and then we decided to reconnect after that dinner and you know talk more in detail And I would like to maybe share this specifically with all the working mums that it’s really important to reach out to your network Absolutely important to um share what you’re looking for because you just don’t know who would connect the dots Which opportunity would come your way.

Yana: Sometimes it also means maybe talk to other parents at school Because also moms don’t necessarily have professional network Especially if you have several children You might have been out of the workplace 5 7 10 years So it’s talking at the playground right Talking to your friends So and then just what you said Just saying you’re open You’re open for the opportunities.

Niloufer: Absolutely And I think also having a mentorbecause even before I put my foot into working or thinking about it I said let me prepare for myself And I had a mentor and it Coincidentally happened to be the friend who introduced me to my current uh founder and she helped me along the way to help you know do your clean up your LinkedIn profile update your resume and these things nobody really tells you or talks to you or spends that time and you’re kind of breaking your head but it’s really great for you to reach out and get the help you need because it really makes that difference when you have a good resume or you have a really good LinkedIn profile to fall back on.And the great thing about the work that I started was it was really flexible And for me that was really important with the three kids a traveling husband Uh I felt that they still needed me and I needed to be available to them And I still for my personal uh liking I wanted to be involved in school and I thought this was a perfect mix of you know blended flexible working conditions And that’s how we stumbled upon Change It All It’s where I work now and it’s been a great journey since.

Yana: And while we say that Singapore is you could say relatively easy maybe compared to other countries for women to return to work in terms of practicalities no one actually sort of takes away the emotional side of it right So here is a woman who stayed at home after having a child and um years go by she doesn’t work The world moves on their careers develop their AI comes in our computers change you know everything updates So there is this feeling of falling behind or somehow not fitting in anymore in the work culture And this is the whole like an emotional and mental element of this like am I qualified enough Who would want to hire me Can I compete those who are 15 years younger than me in the workplace and don’t have family yet So how did you deal with that?

I got the job during COVID and it was all work from home So the pace was really quite slow, and it was really good for me to put my foot back in However I think for most women who are looking put their foot back into working on either part time full time or flexible work I feel that there are a lot of emotions that go through you Your self confidence is at the lowest You kind of feel that a lot of other people think you know are better than you or they have they’re more capable And I think a lot of those skeletons are in your mind and it’s for us to overcome that And however to overcome that you would really need to get motivated by your colleagues So I feel that it takes a village to bring you up and to kind of bring you to where you are whether it’s friends whether it’s colleagues who kind of handhold you to kind of share There might be things you don’t know while you’re working in a new environment There’s no harm in asking questions There’s nothing silly No question is silly You should just be brave to you know ask what you don’t know And I think there’s a lot of learning that also takes place which is great because a lot of women who look to put their foot back in they really want to They want that challenge right They don’t want to be doing mundane you know their routine mundane work And that’s why they’re looking at getting back into the workforce or looking at doing something And There’s a lot of MNCs and companies that offer

Niloufer: time to either work remotely from home or you can go into the office And it’s extremely helpful And I think also from the mental health and well being perspective it really gives you the flexibility Statistics has proven that when you have that flexibility you are keen to keep the job more and not switch because you have the flexibility and you’re enjoying what you’re doing as well as your private and you know personal time And I think it’s also very stable in that sense for you And when you have children they look up to you When you have working mom they’re proud of you You know just like when you were proud of your kids Uh my kids come up to me and they’re like Oh mama is working you know so it’s it’s a proud moment.

Yana: Yes I love that. And I just also would love to offer here perspective because exactly to kind of open up what you just said, that often women who have children feel that their self confidence is very low because they compare themselves to others, often compare men, you know, and feel that maybe men will be a bit more self confident in whatever area it is.

And yet I, I work with a lot of, uh, both men and women, but let’s say now we talk about guys who run companies and the founders and CEOs and many of them are married, many have children, and there’s this running joke among them that they would rather manage three companies than three children. So right.

So there is a lot of respect. for a person who is actually to do it at home again. Statistically, it would usually be a woman doesn’t have to be, but usually it is. And it is just kind of my message to women out there that actually you being a mom and taking care of children and being able to manage them, dealing with the fights.

It’s conflict resolution, right? Calming them emotionally. It’s an emotional intelligence. You know, your understanding, your empathy, your inclusion, your diversity. I mean, everything was pretty much creates a modern leader. So to me, actually, mothers are very qualified to be in the workplace.

Niloufer: I totally second that And I think a lot of MNCs and companies and organizations they are definitely looking at work back to work moms They have I’m sure all of you have heard internships but they have returnships which is really I that.

yes which is really Moms coming back to work or coming back for a second career stint And they all feel that they come back with multitasking skills because they’re just so used to doing that It’s it’s second nature to them And uh a lot of them are great team players and they do want women back into the workforce So I think the onus is on the women Who are looking at these opportunities because there are a lot of opportunities there and it’s just a matter of tapping into them Whether it’s return ships that the companies are offering whether you want to ride the wave on the gig economy because that’s a big one too and Even though you have taken a gap you can climb the ladder very quickly It’s just a matter of getting back into the swing of things and it’s it’s an it’s there’s no turning back.

Yana: I love that, Nellie. Maybe the final question for today. When, um, you look at your children, do you have boys or girls?

Niloufer: I have two boys and then a daughter. 

Yana: Okay, so you have two boys and a daughter. If there was something you would like to say actually to your kids? And everyone, probably about their age, they’re teenagers, right? Right now, especially maybe about going into the workplace. Because it’s a new generation, things are changing, we’re all brought up differently. I mean, you brought up in India, now they brought up between Dubai and Singapore. So if there was one message you would like to share, what would you say? 

Niloufer: Well, I would say to the younger generation, um, a lot of them have, uh, especially with the kind of education and the exposure, they’ve been very lucky to have that exposure. And for them to be able to give back, whether it’s in the form of giving back to society, whether it’s, You know, whatever they do in life, they should give their 100%. And I think that’s probably the message I would give my kids as well, because I feel with what you see in terms of, you know, there’s this instant gratification that everybody talks about, you know, they kind of get in.

A lot of people in the workforce because I work with a lot of HR folks, and they are all a bit worried about bringing this generation into the workforce because it’s, you know, they may not stay long. So I think they would be a generation that would do multiple things, which is great. You can be a jack of all, but whatever they do, I think you need to give it to 100%.

Yana: Thank you so much. Thank you for joining us today. And that Niloufer Jamal on Yana TV. And we talk about women returning to work after motherhood. A very important conversation. And I hope that this episode inspired you to take actions. If you feel that you are the one who is right now in this situation, be brave, be courageous, ask for help, and look for the opportunities. I’m sure that the world needs your gift. And we are very grateful to Muse Studio for hosting Kiana TV. Remember to support us by subscribing and sharing, and I would love to hear from you in the comments. See you next time.

Niloufer: Honestly the flexibility of working with um you know juggling school um juggling um you know sorry I’ve missed your question.

Yana: We’re going cut this part. So the question was how do you deal with the emotional and mental difficulties of coming back to work.

Niloufer: Yes about

Yana: That was great